Max, "The One Testicle Wonder" Trujillo has just sauntered into my waiting room. Like any pint-sized prizefighter with a Napoleon complex, Max has no idea he’s being made fun of. The lone testicle dangling between his hind legs has a way of stimulating conversation—and a few laughs.

Max is a...

Epee is a diminutive blonde Pekinese with a sad little face and a belly-full of something mighty nasty.

This 9-year-old pooch was brought in by one of our long-time clients along with her friends, newly relocated to the area and currently lacking a trusted vet.

Epee had been acting strange ever...

Okay, I’m sure you’ll agree that Paris Hilton is the skankiest, most vulgar personality ever created (by herself) for US consumption. She’s just nasty, IMHO. In a former life I partied heavily on South Beach—so I know first-hand. But, don’t worry; this post is not about her. It’s about...

Last Spring in Miami several individuals were arrested for importing puppies found to have been hiding drugs—inside their bodies. These puppies are often forced to ingest large, indigestible capsules filled with drugs (usually heroin or cocaine) or have large bags surgically implanted in their...

In vet school at the University of Pennsylvania we had this matronly, social worker professor-of-sorts who we all secretly loved though she was thoroughly uncool. She was the head of the veterinary hospital’s grief counseling program.

This woman was incredible. She would silently patrol the...

Recently, a vet in my area was mauled so badly (by a Rottweiler) he hasn’t been back to work in months. I’ve been told he may never practice medicine again.

I don’t generally regard my profession as dangerous—and certainly not life threatening. After all, these are dogs and cats, not lions,...

Saturday. I was rudely awakened at 0500 this morning by a rabble at my bedroom window. Until then, the girls and I had been snuggled up in a lump in the middle of the too-small queen I [mistakenly] think of as MY bed.

The trio of us pressed our faces up to the window just in time to spy the...

I was at a party recently when a friendly obstetrician posed an indiscreet question. She leaned in and in a near-whisper asked, "How’s your liability insurance?"

Like a gorgeous young model being asked by a middle-aged schoolmarm what it’s like to be beautiful…I hedged. "It’s not so bad for vets"...

Thunderstorms in Miami are just one of the perks of life in paradise. While hurricane threats are few and far between, T-storms are a seasonal luxury we can always count on. Problem is, some of my patients don’t share my appreciation for a good storm.

Thunderstorm phobia is a common (and...

For the dog who has everything: “Neuticles.” The tag line for the product?: "It’s like nothing ever changed!"

“Neuticles” are testicular implants. I imagine the human version of this product was devised for testicular cancer survivors in need of replacements—the kind of things Lance Armstrong...

Saudi Arabia recently debuted one of its newest blue-law style bits of legislation: no more pets.

Last month the Middle Eastern nation’s leaders arrived at this decision after fundamental Islamist factions lobbied successfully against pets of all types. As of a couple of weeks ago,...

Most people tell me they’ll do anything to keep Fluffy alive. They tell me they don’t need an estimate. They say, "Whatever it is I’ll pay it." I hand them an estimate anyway. Next thing I know, they’re looking for a less costly alternative. Usually, I find one for them. It’s always at the...

I’ve just finished watching the first season of Lost on DVD. OK, so I’ve just confessed to indulging one of my guilty pleasures: watching TV on my computer. Forgive this transgression, but we vets need some mindless diversion from the stacks of journals that await us in our mailboxes when we...

Kliff (last name of parents, Spring) is the most adorable geriatric patient on the planet—perhaps on all planets for all we know (save Pluto since we now know it no longer deserves that designation). I love Kliff.

Kliff is a big, red Doberman. He’s been my patient for about eight years now. For...

"Oh, no…now they’ve gone too far!" a friend exclaimed, "Dogs and cats have no business getting pacemakers. It’s obscene and ridiculous!"

As you might guess, I disagreed with her. If Mr. Porsche wants to get his favorite hunting dog, Jake, a pacemaker so they can keep killing ducks, who am I to...

Friday. Should you wonder why my posts have been posted late in the day over the past couple of days (this assumes anyone reads this blog closely--Hi, Mom!) it's because I've been tremendously overworked.

I'll start with my Wednesday. Three AM emergencies. The most critical one did not even...

"Doctor, you must to help us! Eet ees an emergency of truly vast proportions!"

Such begins almost every telephone conversation with Signora Gucci. Her perfect coif, impeccably white Fendi suit, pristine pedicures in YSL sandals…You know the type: think Sofia Loren á la South Beach. Beautiful, but...

Nothing’s quite so heartrending as an arranged, family-style euthanasia of a beloved pet. The family arrives: parents, young adult children, friends. Some are crying. The tissue boxes get passed around. They’re often here to see their first dog or cat—the one they first experienced as a complete...

Sometimes, even the simplest procedures can get out of hand. Like the time I was drawing up 10 cc's of blood from an itchy kitty for an allergy screen. The syringe malfunctioned (really, it was not my fault) and blood went pouring down onto the floor. To the untrained eye, it looked as if I had...

Red finally succumbed to his disease(s). His owner, when faced finally with the inevitability of his impending death, decided it was time to let him go.

I should be thankful he didn’t elect to take him home—something he kept suggesting he might do. Somehow my pleas against this option were...

If you have not yet seen the funniest movie ever, please watch Best In Show. Like most great comedy, it’s especially funny because it tells the truth. This flick is a mockumentary detailing the lives of the owners and handlers of various gorgeous purebreds during the run-up to a major dog show....

This is a good one. My first phone call of the morning:

"Doctor, I think that Sparky and Scruffy are pregnant."

This is an easy one, I think to myself. I neutered Sparky last month—exactly 45 days ago. And I neutered Sparky on the day Scruffy first went into heat. The client swears that Sparky and...

Caution: This post is rated R.

No way, no how. No clients allowed. You wait here. How many times can I say this and still sound polite?

What is it about collecting (aka, ejaculating) a dog (part of diagnostic testing for disease or for artificial insemination) that makes everyone want to watch?...

In The House of God, an acclaimed account of  life and death in a Manhattan hospital, Samuel Shem used a phrase that would eventually enter the veterinary lexicon: train wreck. It was such an appropriate description of how some [usually geriatric] patients present (end-stage, multi-system...

You’re at the vet hospital discussing your pet’s problem with the vet and the next thing you know Fluffy is whisked away in a big pink towel by a scrub-clad technician who claims she’ll be right back.

Petnapping is standard procedure in many hospitals. Blood is drawn, stool is extracted,...

Mrs. Melancholia hasn’t had a pet in months, yet her husband continues to call me about Noodle, their seventeen year-old Dachshund. Noodle died over the Thanksgiving weekend but Mrs. Melancholia is still "obsessed," according to her husband, with gloomy thoughts about death and Noodle’s...

One of our area’s well-respected vets just sold her hospital and retired from practice—a typical scenario were it not for her success, her youth (she’s in her early forties) and the reason for her retirement: she had finally yielded to her increasingly unmanageable allergies…to cats.

Ironically,...

Saturday. One of my last appointments for the day was a new pup, a six-month-old, dingo-ey dog. She had been rescued from the streets of southwestern Miami (a common place for people to dump their unwanted dogs). After checking her out completely—physical, heartworm, fecal check, shots, I...

On a recent Monday I received a phone call from Moonshadow`s dad. He was exasperated that no one had called him regarding his kitty’s bloodwork results from the week before.

Umm…what bloodwork?

According to the file it was clear that I had offered bloodwork as preanesthetic screening for the...

Yesterday I became engrossed (yet again) in reading and responding to posts on Dogster`s health forum. I love the mix of zany and knowledgeable that serves as advice on this forum. One person posts a problem or just vents about their dog’s condition. The subsequent ten or twenty posts are...