For the dog who has everything: “Neuticles.” The tag line for the product?: "It’s like nothing ever changed!"
“Neuticles” are testicular implants. I imagine the human version of this product was devised for testicular cancer survivors in need of replacements—the kind of things Lance Armstrong would have if only they didn’t get in the way of his career.
Neuticles are kind of cool. They’re solid silicone implants, roughly egg-shaped, and designed in several sizes to meet the needs of any dog facing the dreaded cosmetic effects of the neutering procedure.
They are implanted while the dog is having his testicles out—immediately afterwards, actually, when there’s new room in the sac to stick them in. It’s easy to do and I haven’t had any complications with the procedure—yet.
I usually offer these suckers when owners express reluctance to neuter their pets for fear that it will reduce the appearance of capable virility and male dogliness. If cosmesis is at all an issue, I offer the falsies.
Some veterinarians and animal rights activists have railed against the procedure as just another unnecessary cosmetic surgery. They liken Neuticles to ear cropping, tail docking, and declawing.
I could not disagree more.
1-It is no more painful to the dog than a simple neuter. True, I don’t know this from personal experience, only from the equivalent comfort levels these dogs display during recovery. Post-surgical swelling of the scrotum is actually reduced somewhat in my cases.
2-The risk of infection, or reaction to the implant, is reportedly very low—1%.
3-It leads people who would otherwise shy away from neutering their dog (for cosmetic reasons) to do so.
The reality is that a great many people are shallow, appearance-oriented, and ignorant. Nowhere is this more true, in my humble opinion, than in Miami (especially on South Beach where I practiced medicine for many years). I am a Miami native so I feel I can say this with impunity.
If people feel the need to have an intact-looking dog and this is the only way they’ll be convinced to neuter their pets then—what the hell—I’m all for it.
Those who disagree do so with an eye towards combating ignorance. Yet they would rather see pets suffer for their owners` failings than admit to the very real persistence of dog-related ignorance in our culture. Face it, vituperation will not change our social ills.
To disallow Neuticles on principle is shortsighted. Here’s one place where the Burger King credo should hold. "Have it your way." It’s no surprise their headquarters are located in Miami.
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So, my question is how can you tell a dog with neuticles has been neutered? What if the dog is surrendered or runs away. Does he risk being "neutered" again or is there a definate difference in the way the neuticles feel?
Heather DVM September 21st, 2006 12:54:00 PM
I've wondered that too, Heather. :)
A vas deferens might be palpable on very large canines, maybe? I don't spend a lot of time groping down there. My current male Anatolian seems have something spaghetti-like (not al dente but soggily so) but I certainly couldn't be sure if I he were unknown to me and if I had to guess if he had Neuticles.Then again I'm not sure exactly what they feel like.
They do look like Jelly Belly candies although I'm not familiar enough with those to know what flavor. lol
Maybe a little bit of metal imbedded in the neuticles could make it detectible with some scanner (-other than xray).
Semavi Lady September 21st, 2006 02:03:00 PM
They feel firmer than testicles. An experienced practitioner would immediately know the difference. An attempt at fine needle aspiration would be fun to watch--but thoroughly ineffective. They`re not meant to feel real as in breast implants so there`s not much of an issue with risk of re-castration.
Dr. Patty Khuly September 21st, 2006 03:49:00 PM
LOLWUT
Anonymous December 17th, 2008 07:10:36 PM
I BOUGHT 8 PAIRS FOR MY CAT WE COMMUNICATE TELEPATHICALLY ANYWAY I BOUGHT HER SOME AND SHE LOVED THEM AND I LOVE THEM TOO THEYRE A GOOD AFTERDINNER SNACK I THINK IM GONNA BUY MORE WHEN MY COUSIN COMES OVER DID YOU KNOW WE MADE SOMETHING CALLED CLUB CHAOS THERES A SECRET PASSWORD ONLY ME AND JIM CAN GO IN BUT GRANDPA TRIES SOMETIMES AND MOM TRIES BUT SHES STUPID AND OMG ITS THAT TIME OF THE YEAR WHERE I FALL IN LOVE WITH BIG THE CAT I THINK WE REALLY LOOK ALIKE I LOVE HIM ITS SO FUN TO IMAGINE US GETING MARIED I HOPE ONE DAY WE DO I LOVE THE BEATLES ADN JOHN LENNON EVEN THOH THEYRE KINDA UGLY I LOVE THEIR MUSIC LOL MY NAME IS IAMTHEWALRUS58 AND THATS BY NAME AND BY APPEARENCE ; )
Danielle McDaniel December 17th, 2008 07:19:12 PM
Howdy everyone. I saw them there Neuticles and thought to myself, 'BOY HOWDY! First runnin' water, now this?!" So I saved up my money for about a year (I lived off of Subway's trash cans in Fayetteville) and finally got enough money to buy them. Mmmyep. $899! So I bought them and went home. My dog was as happy as could be. I said, "HAY SPARKY! I PAID $98766324 FOR YER FAKE NUTS NOW COME N GETIM!" And they were destroyed within just a few minutes.
SHEEEEEEE-UCKS ):
What'd I do wrong?
Billy Joe Daryl December 17th, 2008 07:26:10 PM
ATTENTION ALL ANONFAGS, PLEASE REMEMBER RULES 1 AND 2. I DONT WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOU FAGGOTS SAYING SHIT LIKE: "LOLLL 4CHAN.ORG IS TEH WINRAR AGAIN" OR "LOL /b/ IS THE BEST!!!!" OK? Oh shit...
ANONYMOUS December 17th, 2008 07:37:05 PM
GTFO
Anon December 17th, 2008 07:44:23 PM
Lyke, omg, after the cancer and all that, I was thinking to myself lyke, how I could make myself appear more manly to all the women out there. Because lyke, after I won that french tournament thing like, everybody hated me. HOW FUCKING DARE THOU HATE THY?! I AM LANCE FREAKING ARMSTRONG AND YOU BASTARDS SHOULD ALL BOW DOWN TO MY MASTERNESSS!!!!!
....
But I digress.
So I bought myself and my dog Mojo a pair or neuticals. that little chiuauhua is as happy as a freakin' clam now. I love mine to! GO GET A FREAKIN' PAIR BECAUSE I DID!!!!
Lance Armstrong December 17th, 2008 07:49:25 PM
When the Neuticles site claims that there hasn't been a single incident in 250,000 dogs they lie. I just lived thru 2 weeks of very nasty incident with my Doberman. When they say they insure every dog for any incident they lie. My regular vet was probably right when she refused to do the surgery saying it's just not worth the risk. My Doberman was extremely sick, and it ended up costing us a fortune. And, since I've been looking at these sites I've discovered that there have been many other incidents that Neuticles doesn't want to admit to.
Candy December 22nd, 2008 01:18:37 PM
Maybe it's my own weirdness, but cosmetically I prefer dogs/cats w/o visible testes. Heck, my husband only let us have girl rats for this very reason. :)
Brooke April 14th, 2009 09:40:17 PM
I do NOT understand why anyone would want to replace their dogs testicles with fake ones..
i hate the look of testicles whcih is why i had my husband remove his. they're disgusting and just get in the way.
Geemcow April 22nd, 2009 05:01:43 PM
So I can see that a lot of people here are not too interested in actually talking about these wonderful Neuticals, so I figured I would share my story.
I have myself a wonderful Golden Retriever named Farley Mowat (don’t ask, my wife wanted to name him). We decided to get him snipped when he was young, just as a precaution. In any case, he was not the same after the procedure. He would mope around the house and sleep all day and we began to worry a great deal. Initially, the vet said this was sometimes normal in larger dogs and that as long as we remained persistently upbeat, we would see him return to his usual flamboyant self.
This, as it turns out, was not the case. After several months of trying to get him back to normal, the wife and I realized that this simply was not going to happen. We took Farley back to the vet to see what he had to say and the only real suggestion he could think of (aside from some very expensive and experimental hormone treatments – no thanks) were to have a pair of these neuticals surgically attached. Lacking any better options and wanting only the best for our dog, we decided to go for it, thinking we had nothing to lose.
At first there was a snag, just because at the time we could only afford the one neutical. However, I was lucky enough to be able to contact my mom (who got scared) and said “You’re moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air”. So I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said “Fresh” and had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could tell that this cab was rare, but I thought “Nah, forget it. Yo homes! To Bel-Air!”
Jon Johnson July 26th, 2009 12:52:03 PM
Blu ray Ripper
gesd October 5th, 2009 11:47:17 AM
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