Your pet throws up a couple of times first thing in the morning (something she never does) and you want to know whether you should bring her in to the vet’s office. You’re willing to take all the time you need to do so but you want to wait until your vet calls you back to decide whether you should take the morning off work for this possible emergency. Good luck with that.

Depending on my schedule I might have time to call you back as soon as I walk in the door at 8:30….or you might be sitting tight ‘till lunchtime while I slog through the in-hospital emergencies crowding my schedule and return other phone calls that might have come in before yours—all while trying serve those with existing appointments in a timely fashion.

So you know, I probably won’t have been informed of the details of your call unless you very specifically informed the receptionist that your call was an emergency. So by noontime—assuming I’d had other more obviously pressing matters on my plate—you may have decided you hate my guts. And I wouldn’t necessarily blame you—I don’t expect you to know how things work around the office when things get going on any given morning.

But how hard is it to return a simple phone call? (you may well wonder). If you’re a reasonable person and you respect the time limits of a no-nonsense phone call it’s not hard at all. Problem is, even reasonable clients sometimes ignore these limits when they’re worried about their babies.

That’s why there’s no telling if a phone call will take twenty seconds or twenty minutes (I’ll seldom allow the latter but that’s not to say my clients don’t try it…constantly). So making time for phone calls can be tricky business.

It’s no surprise then that many vets’ number one practice pet peeve is the phone call thing. And it’s true that it stresses me out to no end. Playing phone tag. Having to write down when you called on the record so that no one accuses you of failing in your communication duties. Answering calls by speaker phone while you’re spaying a cat (so you can get out for lunch—eventually).

So how does any vet find the time to make all the phone calls clients desire? Many of them outsource all their calls to their receptionists or technicians. As old-school as my own physician is (she takes no insurance and does all her own pelvic exams and blood draws) even she doesn’t get on the phone unless you’re seriously afflicted after hours. During work hours she lets her nurses do the dirty phone work.

I asked her once how she manages this and she replied (in her typically cut-and-dry mode): “There’s no way I can spend the time I need in the room with each patient if I have to worry about holding their hand over the phone after the fact. Priorities, Dr. Khuly. Remember that.”

Makes sense. But I still don’t think my clients would let me get away with this. At some point perhaps I’ll learn to strike some sort of telephonic balance. For the moment though, consider me challenged in that department. So next time Fluffy looks peaky in the morning and you’re not sure which route to go, just show up. Telephone consultations are no substitute for a physical exam, anyway. 

PS: For the record, I’d like to know how your vet handles the dreaded telephone challenge. Time for you to give up the goods again. Thanks in advance.