Dolittler: Ashes to ashes: Private cremation for pets

I have opted for the individual cremation for my last two pets who died--and scattered the ashes in my own backyard. But then I don't plan to move anytime soon!

Arlene January 7th, 2009 12:30:21 PM

It depends. I cremated my dogs and still have his cremains (even though I was going to scatter then at his favorite place) but I buried my bird.

I think choices have to do a lot with mobility and also with the human-animal bond and how the pet owner views the animal.

I wrote a whole section in the book I wrote Blessing of the Animals which discusses the many other options (some less palatable than others) and includes ceremonies and prayers for pet loss including how to deal with those who have lost their pets.

People have a variety of opinions on the matter but since pets are furry family members to more and more people I think the changes in numbers will continue to grow.

I also believe people do not know that they have so many options available to them today and just trust the health care providers to guide them...some do, some don't.

My dog was euthanized by one of my veterinarians at my home under the pines while my bird passed away while I was traveling. I think for me, each situation warrants a different process.

As for many of my clients, they tend to hold onto the cremains--and it makes it easier on them when they move to take those urns with them.

Ark Lady January 7th, 2009 12:30:31 PM

Private cremation, definitely. The pets that I had buried, are all left behind now, in places I may visit but where I'll never live again. The two I've had cremated are resting in their favorite spots on the book cases. The biggest challenge, really, was finding urns that were dignified, not cutesie-poo.

Lis January 7th, 2009 12:31:39 PM

Private cremation, though I admit that I'm not always sure what to do with the ashes afterwards. I have three dogs upstairs on bookshelves, all in nice wooden boxes with their collars and some other special momentos. At the time of their passing, I need the closure of ashes returned to me. I need for them to come home. But after I've grieved, I'm not sure what to do with their remains. Burial isn't a great option where I live, though I did bury my pet rats and the tiny baby puppy that I tried and failed to save.

Katie January 7th, 2009 12:37:30 PM

I cremated my last cat and dog, and I have their ashes on a shelf. I joke that I spent all of Fizzy's life chasing her off the place she now sits.

My horse was buried at my friend's place, and she planted a pear tree over him. I don't visit him often. She saved me tail hair that I am planning on having incorporated into pottery as a remembrance. I may have enough to braid into a bracelet too.

I am still not sure what to do with Fizzy and Kira ultimately. I ponder over having some cremains turned into paperweights and then sprinkling their ashes slowly into my garden, and though I think I like those ideas I have not really moved to making them a reality yet.

DrSteggy January 7th, 2009 12:42:58 PM

Backyard burial, myself. I do know one couple who rescue rats who have each one individually cremated and keep the caskets in their living room — which gets a little strange when you've passed the 100 rat mark.

Rosemary January 7th, 2009 12:46:36 PM

I've loved all my pets but honestly it makes no difference to me what happens to their remains. I've always left them to the vet to dispose of. For me the grieving process just doesn't require a physical reminder.

Liza January 7th, 2009 12:49:20 PM

All my dogs are privately cremated. Although when the ashes from a 60 lb female comes back with the "urn" weighing more than one from a 100 lb male, I have to roll my eyes. My horses are buried on the farm where they died.

Ellie January 7th, 2009 12:55:54 PM

In the last 5 years I've done both: creamation and backyard burial (shh don't tell - it's illegal here). I love having the ashes of my ferret on my dresser, gives me a little smile each day like he used to do. And for my beloved cat, as he passed at home anyways, we opted to bury him (thankfully he passed in the fall before the ground froze). We did however make a headstone/stepping stone for him, and took that with us when we moved. I like the little reminders of the paws that have touched my heart. Photos don't always cut it (as I found with past pets) - we tend to put them away, or in albums and not see them as often as a more physical reminder.

charliebear22 January 7th, 2009 01:10:31 PM

I don't really know what the different options are.

Sarah January 7th, 2009 01:11:49 PM

Am i the only one that finds the burning of our beloved pet's body very gruesome? The thought really bothers me, even if they are already dead.

Tara B. January 7th, 2009 01:31:13 PM

I have my dogs cremated privately. I am keeping their remains at home and when I die, my son is to mix their ashes with mine and spread them on the mountain side across from my home.

Sheryl January 7th, 2009 01:33:24 PM

I have had all my dogs cremated for the last 10 years. I am a breeder of show dogs and I love every single one that has ever stayed with me till the end. Its so hard when they pass away I could never ever leave them at the vet and be done with them.I could never bury them in the back yard that I know one day in the future I will have to leave. It makes it just that bit easier knowing they will be coming home soon. I will always have them with me when I go.They sit on a bookcase. My father who is a wood worker makes me the most beautiful oak box to set the generic box that the ashes come home in.With room to put the dogs collar in and I also always cut some hair from there ears and put in a baggie.My "Heart" dog was so special to me I cried at the drop of a dime over her, My family sent me a dozen red roses. I put one of the dried roses in her oak box also. On the front of this box is a picture frame so I may put a beautiful picture of the dog in to it and always remember how special they are. Private cremation insures you of it being your dog and nothing else.Its the way to go for me. Nothing else will do.

Donna Jasper January 7th, 2009 01:38:13 PM

Seven years ago, heartbroken, I had my cat's remains cremated. His cremains are downstairs in a tasteful wooden box.

I find it evokes nothing for me. He is still gone. My memories, my photographs -- those keep him alive for me. The box just collects dust. It cost a lot, too. I can afford it, but I don't feel it accomplished what I hoped. I could have taken that money and donated it to the shelter I adopted him from. That would have honored his memory.

This year, when my bulldog passed away, we asked the vet what they do to dispose of remains. They said they get incinerated. She, too, was gone from me. Her body was just a shell. I have a zillion photographs of her, funny, sweet, herself. I let the vet dispose of her remains. I have donated the funds I might have spent on her cremation to dog rescue. She was not herself a rescue dog, but she would have approved.

Susan January 7th, 2009 01:42:58 PM

I've had all my dogs cremated since 1989 - 5 of them. They were all show dogs and family pets as well. The most recent was last summer. I just couldn't think of burying them and leaving them behind when we move. I don't know what to do with the urns, some of the earlier ones are quite ugly, but the remains are sealed inside. The latest one was done at a different crematorium and the ashes are in a nice wooden box.

When we evacuate for hurricanes I pack up the urns and take them with us. I just feel I owe it to them to keep them close by.

I have a special engraved Christmas ornament for each dog & cat and a photo ornament for each which go on our tree each year.

When our family cat died suddenly I was using a new vet. The death was unexpected and I was so distraught that I let the vet dispose of the body, because I just couldn't think. My son was upset that I didn't bring the cat home to bury or cremate and I really regretted that and still do. I won't do that again.

Diane January 7th, 2009 01:59:13 PM

All our dogs are cremated "privately". The cats, with only one exception, have all been buried. We live in a rural area where back yard burials are legal. The single cat, Skiz, was an exception to many rules and he sits on the mantle with the dogs.

Our reasoning for cremation is that our dogs are all large and such a hole would be difficult in best of times and impossible while bawling our eyes out. The cats are closer to the wild (and smaller) and burial seems to be the best way for them. We are not bothered by the idea of leaving them behind in the unlikelyhood we'd move. I mean, really, has anyone actually OWNED a cat? (grin)

PaulaO January 7th, 2009 02:37:55 PM

For Toonces, I elected burial in a pet cemetery. This was based on what I thought fit his personality the best. He loved to be outdoors, he really chafed at being forced to be an indoor cat and in his youth and prime, escaped any time he could, causing me many tearful nights of worry. How glad my heart was to hear him meowing at my window, and to come in smelling of his grand adventures.

I didn't bury him in the yard precisely because the house is associated in my mind with the bad thing that happened to him, and I don't want to stay in that house forever. I would never leave him behind.

I found a spot on the edge of the cemetery near a line of woods.

Memorials are only for the living, but it gives me comfort to "visit him." I think that he has now become a part of the trees along the cemetary line, and I imagine him a part of everything that is there. I smile when I get there and smell the family of skunks that must live near his resting place. I plant bulbs in fall, and watch them bloom in spring. His remains are in a place that is teeming with life . . . a little wild, just like he was.

The only problem with burial is that once you bury one pet in the cemetery, then you feel like you are doing something "less" for the others if you have them cremated. As a result, we now have two dogs there too. It is very expensive, but, soothes the soul. My foster cat was privately cremated and I have her cremains. But I like the ritual of visiting a grave.

Stefani January 7th, 2009 02:39:03 PM

Tiffany, my Am Eskimo was cremated, but it was a group cremation ~ didn't know the difference back then. Dexter, my catgirl, was also cremated but it was a private cremation. I have ashes from both and I have asked that they be mixed with mine (and any other cats who might go on ahead of me) and that we have our ashes mingled and scattered together. It was a huge relief to finally have Tiffany and Dexter home after their deaths. This just feels right to me, better than burial, although I have a wildlife cemetery (not legal here) where I bury the squirrels who are hit in the road and other critters who die for whatever reason. (I live right in a large capital city, too . . .) My sister buried her beloved cat in her backyard and has regretted it ever since. She feels awful about leaving her if/when she moves. I think that you have to do whatever feels right for you. I don't think there's a right or wrong here . . .

dottie January 7th, 2009 03:10:15 PM

I chose private cremation for my dog last year and then I bought a rose bush to plant them under - but haven't found the spot for it yet and have been holding off on big changes to my yard because the other dogs tend to bury bones, and I don't want them digging up her ashes. So I have the rose in a pot and the ashes in a box - but it will be planted and it will be a symbol of her sweetness. If I ever move away I will still have her collar and tags and the little ceramic paw print they made for me. And photos and memories. I'm not sure if I'd thought it through rationally, I'd have spent the money but she died unfortunately on the way to the emergency vet and as busy as they were, there wasn't a lot of time to say goodbye and that was very hard for me, it was like I'd left her behind. So it helped to have the ashes and feel she'd come back to me.

Anne January 7th, 2009 03:34:19 PM

My own beloved pets are buried here at home, where I hope to live until I die (not many cremation services where I live). With the cats, it's not much of a problem, but the (large) dogs require a backhoe todig their graves. So far this has always happened when the weather is amenable, but I don't know what will happen if I should lose one when the ground is frozen. Their resting place is in a peaceful spot under a large oak tree at the edge of the property, marked with small flat engraved stones. So far, we've been able to allow our remaining pets to see and smell the remains of their departed friends before they are placed in their graves. (I don't know if they really understand that their friend is gone, but I think they do on some level---my Sadie will sometimes go to that spot, sniff around a bit, and lie in the shade there, but then it's just a nice place to relax on a nice day anyway). I don't doubt that I would choose cremation in the future though, depending on circumstances.

Shellie January 7th, 2009 03:35:03 PM

My dogs, cats, and even my two cockatiels were privately cremated. My pet fish and pet rodents were communally cremated. My two Shelties, Max and Camey were together their whole lives and died within months of one another. I have a special double urn for them. All the urns sit on top of my entertainment center where I can see them all the time. I couldn't imagine not having them back with me.

I have 11 cats right now and 2 dogs. Hopefully it will be a long time before I need to get another urn, but I know that I am going to end up with quite a collection. Like others, I'd like my ashes co-mingled with theirs. (I've heard though, that this is illegal. Can anyone shed some light on this?)

Robyn W January 7th, 2009 03:47:07 PM

My wife and I have done private cremation for 5 of our dogs and 1 chameleon over the course of our 11 year marraige. Additionally my company sells pet memorials and in our pet loss resources section of our website we have a poll which asks how pet owners handle the remains of their deceased pet. Bear in mind participants come from all over the country and these are the results of over 1000 respondents so far:

Private Cremation – 46%

Burial at home – 38%

Let veterinarian dispose of pet – 5%

Burial in a pet cemetery – 4%

Communal cremation – 4%

It is my belief that as humans grow to accept cremation this trend will carry over to the pet world.

Joseph McCabe January 7th, 2009 04:00:08 PM

Does anyone ever consider taxidermy? Just a thought.

Are you familiar with the photographer Sally Mann, who when her beloved greyhound died she had him skinned and buried, then dug him up and collected the bones and reassembled him in full form in her studio. The series of photographs is part of her book "What Remains"

http://www.corcoran.org/exhibitions/previous_results.asp?Exhib_ID=83

Lisa Marie January 7th, 2009 04:10:34 PM

growing up we always buried our pets in our yard with thier favorite toy wrapped in a blanket. we moved when i was a teenager and i was upset over leaving them in our yard. now that im older and can make my own choices i would go for private cremation and have their ashes mixed with my ashes when its my time.

katy January 7th, 2009 04:24:27 PM

Re: Taxidermy.

It would just make me way sad, to have this inert object that looked just like my dear beloved friend but was . . . an inert object. Please, it would seem a little violent to me as a way of treating my loved ones remains.

They now can do some kind of special freezing of pets that results in the body being able to be put out like a statue forever. Crossed my mind. I miss my boy's fur. But I think I would miss HIM more if his body were intact around my house.

Stefani January 7th, 2009 04:44:40 PM

Growing up we had several cats which were all buried in the back yard (which is illegal, but whatever). When the dog passed at 13 my parents had her cremated privately. She is sitting in a china cabinet in my parents house in a subtle black urn. In total this cost them around $150 for a GSD. When I lived in apartment and my cockatiel passed away the absolute only option for me was private cremation - a 90 gram cockatiel cost me $100 to cremate and it was worth every penny. He is in a nice wooden box, with his name on a plaque on a small lamp table in the bird room with the rest of his flock. When I pass I'd like their ashes mixed with mine as other's have stated. This is technically illegal, but if you are being buried add a handbag, suitcase, etc. - they won't look inside (or I've been told)...if you are being cremeated yourself though, I mean they will never know so long as it is done after the cremation. My husband on the other hand is completely fine with home burials because they are cheap, I just couldn't leave them behind like that.

spazzy January 7th, 2009 04:47:36 PM

I was using private cremation until I found out that the lady who ran the private cremations place was accused of massive animal hoarding and abuse (it was in the national news) and I heard about the actual conditions of the business being ran... Supposedly, animals were just piled up inside the building- which explained why no one could just run out there to pick up/drop off their animal's remains. It just turned my stomach. Now, I know- this is just one company, but it made me think... There really is NO proof that my urns have the ashes of my beloved pets in them- is there even regulation of pet cremation services? I'm sure with humans, there are strict laws and guidelines, not so sure with animals... So recently, I've elected mass cremation- which makes me very sad, but in the end- does it really matter where their physical remains go? Ugh- depressing topic!

Trish January 7th, 2009 04:48:55 PM

I hope this doesn't make me sound too callous.

When I was a kid, I always had a bunch of pet rats. I probably have had 30 rats over the course of my life. When I lost my first few rats, they got buried in the backyard with elaborate homemade tombstones, and coffins of some sort. We lived in a forested area, and eventually, I had buried rats get dug back up by the local wildlife. As a kid, there's nothing worse than finding your partially decomposed pet half eaten in your yard. I was a pragmatic kid, and I decided that if they were going to get eaten, then I was going to make it easier on the wildlife, and not bother burying them, but I placed them at the edge of our property where the chances of me seeing them was slim to none. Eventually I gave up on even that, and they went in the trash.

I worked as a funeral director/embalmer for awhile in my early 20's. I eventually got disgusted with how the industry placed less importance on ritual and healing, and more on profits, the status quo and upgrades. Not liking feeling like a used car salesman, I left the industry, after burning out quickly.

A lot of my disgust with the funeral industry has carried over to my pets. Since I've been an adult, I've lost two dogs. Both dogs I elected for the cheapest group cremation, no return on the cremains. The way I see it, is that my pets are important to me when they're alive. Its their brain function that makes them special, not their bodies. Once they're gone, the body is just a bunch of carbon, and has no relation to the animal that I loved. So I don't really place any value on the cremains, or a physical burial place. I have my memories and photographs instead.

Karin January 7th, 2009 04:57:02 PM

Private cremation. I was going to bury Black Jack under his favorite tree, and Bonnie near him when she passed, but they both died over the winter and by spring I wasn’t nearly as excited to go dig a whole and leave them there. They’re in their nice tins and I keep them in the non-windowed bottom of a display case with other collectibles and things that are still in boxes and not on display.

I think I’ll keep them with me now. Just tucked away. I can have fond memories whenever I go in that cabinet. I certainly don’t believe that their souls are bound to those ashes, or even that they are living on in some dog heaven or anything. It’s just a memento, not sacred, but still comforting when I happen to bump into them like finding an old photo.

More important to me is to be with them when they're put down. I was denied this with Black Jack when the Dumb Friends League said it was their policy to not allow the owner's in with the dogs and you just drop the dog off and it happens some time that day. It was a horrible day waiting and questioning if it had been done yet. And I didn't like the thought of him being "alone" with a stranger.

It was so hard working up the courage to have it done in the first place that I was in no position emotionally to take Jack back through the doors and back into the car to go searching for another option.

That event was really what brought be back to using a regular Vet instead of the occassional trip to Banfield inside PetCo/PetSmart or whatever.

Christopher January 7th, 2009 05:43:34 PM

Hopefully it will be many years before I have to think about it, but there is a company that will take your ashes (human or animal) and turn the carbon into a diamond. It's expensive, of course, and a little weird ("Oh, what a nice necklace!" "Thanks, it's my cat."), but if the money is available I would be tempted to do it.

beth January 7th, 2009 06:17:41 PM

Private cremation. The main reason is because I cannot stand to thing of my pet's body in a barrel at the rendering plant -- which is what happens if the body ends up disposed of by animal control.

Gina Spadafori January 7th, 2009 06:20:17 PM

I had not thought about what I would do prior to last year when we very suddenly lost one of our cats. But I would probably have said that having them cremnated was a little odd, and not for me. But when we lost Chaz so suddenly we couldnt just leave him, and it was January so burying wasnt an option. So we have his little urn sitting on the bookshelf.

My husband said after though that it was a one off because Chaz was special and any future losses we wouldnt do that. After the worst of the grief was past and thinking about it logically, it did seem like a lot of money to spend when really what made him special is gone.

Then in October we lost another of our cats, George, unexpectedly and found ourselves again unable to leave him. But completely unable to deal with the idea of putting him in the ground. So there are 2 little urns. We have other cats and dogs at home and now I dont doubt that the loss of any of them would cause us to make exactly the same decision.

Heidi - www.flickerslair.ca

Heidi January 7th, 2009 06:22:28 PM

I buried pets in the yard till my Sasha (our first Australian Shepherd, and the dog that changed my life) died suddenly. I couldn't bear to think of leaving her behind anywhere. So she and later, Cammie and Ivan , were privately cremated and now they stay on the bookcase in the bedroom. Their ashes will be scattered with mine or my husband's at some place we loved.

I've just found as I get older that even though when they're dead, they're just meat, still the meat matters. Same with people, in my world. I understand more about why funeral rituals are important now than I did when I was young.

Janice in GA January 7th, 2009 07:36:44 PM

I had my last two pets (cockatiels) cremated, and their ashes are in decorative boxes that I didn't find for months (or in one case years) until afterwards. I wanted just the right box to memorialize their lives. I rent, as do my parents, so burying was not an appropriate option for me. I'm still considering scattering some of their ashes in memorable locations, but haven't decided for sure yet.

zandperl January 7th, 2009 08:17:21 PM

I believe I'd opt for backyard burial for Kissa when she goes. I like the idea of her remains helping nourish the plants growing nearby.

Joy January 7th, 2009 08:23:11 PM

Cooper's grave is already dug in our backyard (We know it is coming, and also know that Michigan in winter is a bad time to be trying to dig a hole!). He will be next to our other dogs that we've lost over the years, and will have his own stepping stone over his grave when the time comes. I don't worry about moving, since we live in the 'old home place', so there will always be family here, even after we are gone. And since we live on a farm, no restrictions on burying animals.

I still remember the gentleman who came into the clinic one day when I was giving the receptionist a lunch break. He said he was there to pick up Shadow. My mind started racing, since I couldn't remember a Shadow that was hospitalized - turned out he was there to pick up Shadow's ashes! I handed him the beautiful wooden box our crematorium uses, and I remember how he stroked that box just like he probably used to stroke Shadow. Yes, I cried.

Sassy January 7th, 2009 08:45:44 PM

I had my two whippets privately cremated, and their urns are on the mantel. I promised myself that when the second died, I would mix their ashes, save up a lot of money, and get a diamond. I had my heart set on that diamond. And then I read about the companies' questionable practices. =( So the ashes will remain on the mantel.

Our barncat was buried by a stream on our farm. He came with the farm when we bought it, and we weren't emotionally attached. One of my hens -- not a pet -- recently died and I put her body on our burn pile. A critter was nourished by the meat and we burned the rest.

Julie in OH January 7th, 2009 09:03:23 PM

When I went to pick up Skiz' remains from the vet's office, I kinda upset the front staff. They tended to be rather stuffy anyway. I went to the desk and said I was here to pick up Skizoid. Got weird looks. The one lady checked her sheets and said they didn't have an animal by that name in the back. I said "He's probably at your feet." More weird looks. Finally, one of them got what I meant and bent down to look over the white paper bags kept under the desk. She stood up and solemly handed me a nice bag with nice handles. The staff were so serious. I was too, honestly. But when I saw the white bag, out of my mouth came "Oh! Chinese take out."

They were not amused.

I missed Skiz so much, he'd been with me 16 yrs. The idea of him being gone was too fresh. I dealt with the situation in my usual humor rather than break down and bawl in public. But how could I explain that to them? So I just took the bag, nodded, and left.

PaulaO January 7th, 2009 09:25:18 PM

My childhood dog was buried in the backyard. I lost my beautiful Belgian last summer, and I had her body individually cremated (multiple animals at once, but they are separated and individually tracked). I don't have any overwhelming urge to have her ashes near me, but it felt disloyal to me to not want them back. I have them. Some will be scattered in places we went together. I hope to find someone who will do some beads for me that incorporate some ashes in them without being obviously pet memorial stuff. I also have some hair that was shaved off after she died. I'm not sure what I'll do with that. I must say, the cremation was not as expensive as I had feared. It was less than $150 for a 60lb dog.

kabbage January 7th, 2009 09:33:34 PM

I think I'd go with private cremation. Though, interestingly, I would prefer burial for my own body.

I would not be averse to freeze-dried taxidermy, though that would be way too expensive to me.

As much as I wouldn't mind freeze-dry, I have to admit that this seems a tad odd.

January 7th, 2009 09:43:17 PM

Our vet has been willing to visit our home to provide euthanasia for our elderly pets, and our pets who have passed on are buried on our property. I then purchase a tree or shrub to plant on the site, so if I should have to move, hopefully they will remain undisturbed for a long while to come. We also let friends and family bury their pets here if they wish, and again, a tree is planted.

Susan January 7th, 2009 10:03:50 PM

Staring back in 1980 everytime our family moved my mother had made sure to transplant some of the raspberries plants to the new house to start a new patch. It had started originally simply because we just loved the raspberries. But over the years we loved and lost pets from dogs to birds to gerbils. They were either buried (whole body) in the raspberries or the ashes from a private cremation.

I have grown and moved on in life and live in my own place but I have also transplanted those raspberries (the original patch was started over 40 years ago!) and have since buried a beloved pets ashes in them. Where ever I move I will make sure to take some of those raspberries with me.....and ultimately I will always have somewhere to bury my friends that is part of my home.

J.C. January 7th, 2009 10:28:21 PM

I've cremated my last two, and will probably continue doing so from now on. When Alex passed, I opted for the picture frame urn.. this way, the remains are less likely to make others uncomfortable. I know what's in there, but to most others, it's just another cat photo. This was not an option with Hayley (e-vet uses a different provider).. and while her urn is small and tasteful (bunny= little urn), I wish I'd had the opportunity to do the same.

I don't know what I will ultimately do with the remains, but because I am not settled yet, I don't want to leave them here. Also, because the cats were so close in life, it's important to me that wherever they wind up, they're together. (I know that they could care less, but it matters to me.) Since one has already passed, and one of the remaining cats is pretty much guaranteed to have a significantly shorter life span than the other two, if I opted for home burial, odds are, I'd leave two in this state and two wherever I end up next. I have also considered the possibility of having them scattered along with me someday.

Cremation is indeed kind of gross, but I find that it bothers me less than the alternative.. or the possibility of something necessitating the disturbance of the grave later on. And, because I live in the northern US, good luck trying to bury anybody that passes in the winter! (My last home burial was a rabbit who passed in March.. and I still had a difficult time finding even a bunny-sized patch that was doable.) For a larger pet, the only option outside of cremation would be leaving them in the freezer at the vet's until things thaw out, and.. no.

Paula- regarding the black humor.. this is how I deal with things, too. Fortunately, it doesn't appear to make our vet's staff uncomfortable. Unless we're dealing with what appears to be an impending death situation, it's not unusual to find us joking in the exam room.. particularly as far as "The Lemon" is concerned. I'm so glad they don't seem to find me callous! That cat and I are joined at the hip, and honestly, when he has an emergency, if I weren't laughing, I'd probably lose it. It's not that my world isn't falling apart every bit as the next client's (who is busy bawling her eyes out in the adjacent exam room).. that's just how I operate. And frankly, sometimes the sheer utterly implausible irony of everything that's happened with that cat *is* kind of funny, in a twisted sort of way. (Or rather, it would be, if he weren't mine!) Either way, I'm sure if T had the ability, he would appreciate my sense of humor. He's that sort of cat.

Ramen Connoisseur January 7th, 2009 10:50:46 PM

This is a topic that is sad for me right now because of how many I have lost to FIP. We bury most of ours, but I have had animals cremated as well.

I think that each person has to do what gives them the most peace. I do like the diamond idea, I think that it would be nice to have a piece (or whole) of your pet to wear.

One of my very favorite cats died Christmas eve of FIP and I really would like to get a silver bracelet with her name engraved on it. I wear a bunch of bangles all the time and I think it would give me a little peace and confort to see her name all the time.

We are going to move soon and I look forward to spring and summer in a new house where I can plan and plant a memory garden.

I do believe it is all about finding peace and that's easier said than done. We love our pets and for many of us they are family and the loss of any family member is painful and final arrangments are part of both the goodbye and healing process. I think that if it is cremation, burial, taxidermy or simply disposal, it is what should feel right. I am judgemental about a lot of pet issues, but this is not one of them. This is a very personal issue and I think any decision is a hard one.

last summer one of my rescue kittens was only about 3 weeks old when he died and we buried him in the side yard. For some reason it bothered me beyond belief even though we've buried most of our pets. A few months ago I dug him up. There were just a few little bone fragments and a stone I had buried with him left. I put them in a little box and put them in a cabinet and I got peace from that. gruesome? maybe...but it gave me peace about it. What does it mean? who knows....it doesn't matter. It made me feel better and I think it is all that matters.

http://lorrim-fip.blogspot.com/

LorriM January 8th, 2009 01:18:10 AM

We've had our little dog and our cat both privately cremated. The cat we left with the vet since she had been euthanized and picked her up a few days later from the crematory. The dog passed at home and we took him to the crematory/cemetary and picked him up. The staff there was very nice, understanding and when I made a rather macbre joke about how the dog was finally warm (he died in the middle of winter) they didn't judge. They are both in our living room along with my mother's ashes. Some think it's odd but it seems pretty normal to us. Hubby says my mom is one of the best guest we've ever had! Her urn is very pretty too, she picked it out herself.

Donna January 8th, 2009 01:38:37 AM

We did private cremation for one of our Akitas. Since then we've opted for mass cremation with no return of their cremains for the same reason we don't "believe" in traditional funerals for humans. The soul is gone, the body is a shell, and I don't need it back. For us the one time as enough to make us realize that private cremation just wasn't something we needed.

melissaknits January 8th, 2009 08:11:38 AM

Re: " I do like the diamond idea, I think that it would be nice to have a piece (or whole) of your pet to wear. "

I thought about that (I even called them and asked if they could make green, which was the color of Toonces' eyes, but they couldn't at the time; they do have green now). I think its a way of feeling like they are with you all the time, and also, because it would be a diamond, you can be sure someone would always want to take the ring or piece of jewelry after you were gone . . .there would be a shining and beautiful thing in the world from their remains.

Still for me, burial made the most sense because it's what I thought "fit" my cat. Plus of course, the diamonds are WICKED expensive,although I think the prices

http://www.lifegem.com/secondary/beloved_pets_main2006.aspx

I love how the lady in the article says: "I loved him more than I have ever loved any other being in this world." (And she's married! :) ) That's how I felt about Toonces, and I know some of us have that once in a lifetime pet we feel that way about.

Stefani January 8th, 2009 08:13:00 AM

oops, link here: LifeGems for Pets

stefani January 8th, 2009 08:13:56 AM

I hate to further bum anyone out, but... If you have your pet euthanised with chemicals (other than gas, which is used is some small animals), and you bury them afterwards, please dig at least 4 feet deep. If another animal digs them up (this has happened to me and others), they offending animal can die from the solution. After they are cremated this is no longer a problem, of course.

My mother had our family pets privately cremated from the 70s, intending to have the cremains placed in her coffin when she went - which we attempted to do. However, the funeral director, who assured us it would be okay, took them out at the last minute and they were tossed in their trash (we found the boxes the next day). When we confronted them, we were told that it is not allowed to bury animal remains in a human cemetery, and when we asked what the real issue was (after all, they're inside a lead vault and aren't going to cause the same environmental damage that a formaldehyde-filled human body can), we were told that Catholic cemeteries consider that incredibly offensive and will not allow it under any cirmcumstances. (We were so mad we didn't even ask about other religions, but...)

That being said, I too, have the problem of what to do with cremains for mine (3 so far). I hope for a natural burial for myself and will have the ashes scattered over/around me, if at all possible.

KateH January 8th, 2009 09:42:21 AM

On the macabre humor side, when my dog was a few days away from her euthanasia (not yet scheduled) she started worrying at some of her tumors which were starting to come through her skin. I looked at her and said, "If you don't stop that, I'm going to kill you. And I mean it this time!" At least the dog thought it was funny. As far as taxidermy goes, my dogs run in the 40-50lb range, so they're too big to put on the mantle. I can just picture some of the successor dogs looking at them as very large stuffed toys. I think I might over-react to that, especially if the taxidermy dog had just come home....

kabbage January 8th, 2009 10:08:05 AM

We have had many pets, and each one that passes is buried in our special "Pet Place" in the corner of our yard, under a beautiful cluster of Chineese Tallow trees. We plan to live the rest of our lives where we are now, and our Pet Place follows the traditions that I grew up with. I wish I had more of a green thumb, so my attempts at a garden would be more successful. In the meantime, the changing leaves of the Tallos reminds me of the times I had with Reese and the others and the time that has passed since they are gone.

Heather B. January 8th, 2009 12:06:16 PM

Dog Heaven is a truly wonderful book to help little ones deal with the loss of a dog. I bought this book for my daughter when our Reese had to be put to sleep, and we read it several times a day and every night. I cried every single time. No matter your age, this book is a nice way to remember your pet; I think they also have a Cat Heaven.

Heather B. January 8th, 2009 12:10:56 PM

Paula, your story about Skitz reminded me of a client I had when I worked at another practice. This particular practice had its own incinerator, so we did our own cremations. This client had many cats, and when it was time to euthanize one, he would hand the cat over, and always had a private cremation done. He never wanted to stay around for the actual euthanasia.

When then ashes were ready, we would call him, and he would always come with a coffee can for the ashes. Whatever vet did the euthanasia would be given the coffee can, on his instructions, because he always put some candy and a little stuffed toy in the can, his way of saying thanks. I have a small collection --2 or 3--of little stuffed animals in my home office from him, and although its been years since I worked at that practice, I still think of him and his cats when I see them.

DrSteggy January 8th, 2009 12:48:58 PM

I have opted for private cremation for my ferrets. I too rent, and so have nowhere really for burial. It is a bit awful to think of a loved one in the incinerator, but for myself, the idea of slowly decomposing is more awful. Ferret-sized urns are not very large, so they all sit on my dresser alongside photos of each ferret. Kind of macabre, I guess, but I like knowing they are still there. Eventually I may consolidate them into one large urn, if I think I could bear to open the small urns. I plan on cremation for myself, and my instructions are to mix the ferrets up with me and toss us all somewhere nice.

regina January 8th, 2009 01:14:43 PM

Over the years, I have tried them all: burial, cremation (mass or individual), with or w/o return. I too agree with the posters that the remains are not that important. I find peace & reverence in the memories, pictures, and a clip of hair. We have a few paw prints in cement at our home too, named & dated, long before death.

Thanks Dr. Steggy: with each euthanasia ,I have given a small token of remembrance to the attending veterinarian to express appreciation, I see that I'm not so strange with doing so.

We have also had media coverage of "human" crematories with less than ethical problems.

Pocket's Story from New Hampshire

Barbara A. Albright January 8th, 2009 02:47:18 PM

Private cremation. Although like some of the others here I don't quite know what to do with the remains. I don't want to leave them behind when I move, but I also am not the type to have them on a mantle/bookshelf etc. So for the moment, our dog sits on a shelf in my closet...and has for a couple of years now.

Amanda January 8th, 2009 04:44:33 PM

We chose cremation because we live on top of limestone. You can't dig two inches down without hitting rock. I don't know why we didn't scatter the ashes. I guess it's because the boxes they came back in were so lovely, that we chose to keep them.

ceecee January 8th, 2009 08:33:16 PM

I had my first guinea pig buried at a pet cemetary, a move I now regret as the place is not maintained, but it's not like I visit there often anyways, but still. We had a headstone and plastic 'casket' for him. My other 2 guinea pigs and one cat were privately creamated and I have their remains in little, self purchased urns. I plan on having the ashes from all my past pets put in my own casket when I die. I have been known to move fairly often, although not so in the last decade, so I can't assume I'll always be in the same place. And no I wouldn't want to leave the pets remains behind, which is another reason I regret the pet cemetary. At the time I had that first one buried they did not let me know creamation on a guinea pig was an option, and I was scrambling to find a pet cemetary available in a short time. I had never lost a pet (other than fish) prior to this one so I did not know there were other options, and my vet at the time did not make that info known to me.

cl January 8th, 2009 09:27:22 PM

cl: Still looking for a home for my pigs. I can't bear to think what would happen to them if someone like you didn't take them in. Can I send them to you? Please?

Dr. Patty Khuly January 9th, 2009 08:07:43 AM

I've done different things with different animals. I feel good about burying animals in the yard and potentially leaving them there if they had a special spot in the yard, but I don't usually like doing that for indoor only animals. (My now indoor only cat who spends most of his time trying to sneak outside will probably get buried in the yard where he wants to be.) One of my rabbits I had cremated several years ago and I plan to put his ashes in a potted outdoor tree that he liked when I next repot it. He was really bonded with my ex-husband but when we split up my ex left him with me. I was more than happy to keep Jack, but Jack would have prefered to go with my ex, so I feel like I need to keep him. Another rabbit I buried in the yard. A third, who I had gotten from the humane society, it just felt right to take him back for their group cremation and ash disposal. I've had a couple cats who snuck off somewhere when they were old and getting weak but not obviously sick and although I searched I never managed to find them - so I never had to make that choice. When my dog who loves to swim dies, I think I will have him cremated and

toss his ashes into one of our swimming holes. For me, it's very personal to the animal and the situation. (Of course, if I've maxed out my savings and credit on end of life care and am living in an apartment, I'll be at the humane society begging them for a discount on group cremation again.)

One option that is not available around here that I would appreciate would be group cremation where you get a portion of the group cremains. I think that would be a good lowerd cost option for closure.

Juli January 10th, 2009 03:44:44 AM

My dog is suffering from cancer right now. I like to use Pedipaws for my dog. It certainly makes him happy. I think it must feel like a massage or something. It's funny to watch his had move around and his tail wag as I'm working on him.

Steven Jaxtine January 10th, 2009 03:59:15 AM

I've usually left pets after euthanasia for the Vet to dispose of. Like several here, I don't have an attachment to the remains. With the increases in funeral type services, cremations, burials, etc., I expect we'll be seeing more issues over them as well just as has happened periodically in the human funeral industry. I don't want extraordinary care for me at the end of life and I've already specified direct cremation. I wish humans had the option of simply not picking up the ashes but I'm sure my son will so I've specified that, if he does, that he inter them with my mothers' cremations at the cemetary near the family farm. (Hers were buried in the plot she'd purchased when I was a baby.) I really don't want resources spent on my dead body when there are living beings in need. I feel the same about my pets; the money is better spent on helping the living. I'd rather see us moving toward humans having the option of the dignity of euthanasia than going in the direction of elaborate services for deceased pets; seems backwards to me.

PJBoosinger January 10th, 2009 06:04:15 AM

Soylent Green, PJBoosinger? Yes, I'm with you. I'm always amazed to hear how much people spend on funerals. Throw me a party and toss my ashes in the Everglades.

Juli: Love the idea of a group cremains option. I'll suggest it to my local folks. Thanks!

Dr. Patty Khuly January 10th, 2009 10:42:53 AM

I too, think the group cremains option would be nice, and also every bit ethical and affordable.

As far as rendering plants, I can only hope that has pretty much been done away with in the pet food biz.

As far as my Pocket, and perhaps other deceased pet bodies of mine and others, in my state of NH, one can only wonder how Great Bay Community College obtains their "occassional necropsies & anatomy bodies" for dissection??

Yes, it does indeed sound "unethical & cynical", but when a clinic is allowed to "kill" dying pets with potassium chloride saturated solution, that also "teaches vet tech students", what else should one be left to think??

Barbara A. Albright/raising state-sanctioned awareness in New Hampshire thru http://clik.to/scotty

Pocket's Story from NH January 10th, 2009 01:37:40 PM

Dr. Patty - Sorry wish I could help you with your piggys. I have 7 cats now. I had a cat at the same time as the last 2 GP's, and I could trust her enough to leave the house for a few hours with the cage lids open and she'd never bother them. She'd even come meow at me if they were making puttering or squeeking noises in the other room. I always figured that was her way of saying 'make them be quiet'. Sad to say that cat died in 2007. I wouldn't trust the ones I have now anywhere near a GP, bird, fish, or even plants. Sorry but I hope you do find good homes for your piggys.

cl January 10th, 2009 11:06:03 PM

I've always left the bodies for disposal by the animal hospital. What's important to me are my memories of the living animal. The body doesn't hold meaning for me once life is over.

silkenpaw January 11th, 2009 07:30:33 AM

Interestingly, after I gave up on the LifeGem idea, I instead made a donation to whippet rescue -- which is how I got the boys in the first place.

As soon as a company comes along that I can trust (i.e., transparency in the process) though, I will start saving up again for a diamond. I love the idea, and wish it could be real and true.

Julie in OH January 11th, 2009 08:23:29 PM

Oh goodness, I forgot to mention that I have always made a donation in my pet's memory, shortly after passing. I have several bricks with their names at 2 different humane shelters, a sponsored gift certificate for a fund-raiser, contributions to the Rabies Challenge Fund, STCA health & rescue funds and various human & animal charities.

That is one way I preserve memories of their life, to aid the living.

Barbara A. Albright

Pocket's Story from NH January 12th, 2009 11:07:29 AM

Wierd question... I had my beloved cat cremated and her remains were returned in a small, cedar tasteful box with a little lock on it. Not too long ago my house was burglerized and they broke the lock off the box, no doubt to see if anything valuable was inside. Now the box seems tainted/defiled to me (I can just see my little kittie's spirit spitting and hissing) and I would like to replace it, but I wonder if it matters what type of container I put the asked in? Are there any toxins or chemicals in them that make a special type of container necasary, or can I put them in anything I like. The ashes are in a little zip lock bag.

Kristy January 16th, 2009 06:07:34 PM

Personal Cremation. I am way too attached to mu babies.

Laura Sherman January 19th, 2009 03:24:47 PM

I had my dog cremated and made into beautiful jewelry.. it took me a long time to find the jewelry I wanted because they all look the same online... I came across Love Ashes, a wonderful company from Iowa www.LoveAshes.com The artist creates all memorials out of glass, they are lovely and very affordable... customer service is excellent.

Paula Smith January 27th, 2009 08:26:24 PM

My 4 year old Guinea Pig passed away yesterday after being euthanized (1-31-09) and I am having a private cremation done for him. I have my other pig and my cockatiel, who was 11 years old, in their little boxes. I'm dreading going to pick up his remains on Monday, but I know it was the humane thing to do. I'm just heartbroken right now.

Rainey February 1st, 2009 08:23:24 PM

dsfsd March 23rd, 2009 05:19:58 PM

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Vetcetera Ashes to ashes: Private cremation for pets

January 7th, 2009

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