Again, my sympathies on your loss.  I know only too well what you are going through.

I am with you about not being able to part with the ashes of my guys.  My girl we lost so unexpectedly in a c-section is in a beautiful rose tin on our mantle.  We have a rose bush planted for her but we could not scatter her with is as we do plan to move someday.  One year after we lost her, to the day, we were at the Grand Canyon.  I wanted to scatter her ashes there, but my husband flatly refused.  So she will always be with us.  I have a large collection of these beautiful "tins" in my closet.  Some years ago I saw garden urns, where they looked like rocks.   I wish I could find it again as I think that a memorial garden would be perfect.You can put the ashes in these "rocks", have them in your garden, but still be able to move them with you. 

Holly June 25th, 2009 08:52:06 AM

Hugs to you.  I too know the terrible sadness and feeling the companion, family member fur person is still there.

I have two kittys in boxes from the crematorium.  Nice boxes.  Always by me in my room with my computer...on the bookcase.  I could never bury or scatter their ashes.  One passed April 2008 (age 18) and the other sweetheart (age 17) 2 years before.  

I have one kitty left and every day I wonder how much longer, with tears behind my eyes.  Geesh.  She is 20 years old.  She was my first and so intelligent, fun, and loved to be my companion in the car.  A "talker" too...lol...  She is like a human!  A Russian Blue mix.

She too will be cremated.  I will be too.  I want my ashes spread among the wolves in the Rockies.  But I need to think about what to plan for my saved cat's ashes.  Hmmmm.  You gave me some thinking to do.  Thank you.  

Grief is a kicker.  But we all need to go through it.  If not, it is worse.  In grief, we honor our loved ones.   I think having a ceremony would be so beautiful...and healing.  Hugs, again. 

Ronnie June 25th, 2009 09:10:13 AM

Dear Dr. Khuly,

I love the tree idea. And that it is one of her favorite spots. 

And, you have already honored her in a beautiful way with your new rescue.

Barbara Young and Fleur

PS

We do not want you to move. 

Barbara Young June 25th, 2009 09:11:00 AM

I don't know if your aware of this, but cremation remains can be made into jewelry.   For instance, some of the ashes encased in a beautiful clear stone, made into a necklace or ring.    Read about this on the net sometime back.   A tree planted in her memory is a great idea.

My condolences to you and your family during this time.   Somewhere in a 'Handling Pet Grief" book which I read, there was a statement written inside which I will never forget and is very soothing when you think about it.   It states "when you hear the clinging of chimes (windchimes) this is your beloved pet, running across Rainbow Bridge, kickin' up the wind" and letting you know he/she is ok and all is well.  

Take care,

Linda Kay

Linda June 25th, 2009 09:20:55 AM

Three years ago the cockatiel that had been my childhood companion suddenly took a turn in her health and in three days was gone from kidney failure.  (At age 16 it was not unusual, but the rapid decline made the loss worse for me.)  I was gifted with another cockatiel, and a year later she suddenly died for no apparent reason. (Necropsy was inconclusive, but did not rule out seizure.)  I gave both their individual cremations, and as I do not own any property and neither were outdoors pets at all, I have held onto their ashes in pretty little boxes that reflect their personalities, in a place of honor in my home. 

zandperl June 25th, 2009 09:25:50 AM

Linda: I thought of that. I'm aware of these companies and I'm told they do nice work. Unfortunately, I had my jewelry stolen once and now rarely buy anything other than costume stuff (and don't wear much anyway). What if she were stolen? I'm also scared I would lose something so small and valuable. (Everyone who knows me well knows I have a way of losing things.)

Barbara: Don't worry--I'm not moving. As you know, my property is too beautiful to pass up. And my family is so close by. One day I'll build a small two-story home there based on the coral rock section. The current frame section is Florida pine but the termites have mostly killed it. 

Dr. Patty Khuly June 25th, 2009 09:30:56 AM

This is a tough decision, and harder because your grief is so new, I'm sure. When my American Eskimo died, I had her cremated (although I didn't know enough to ask for a private cremation) so I have Tiffany and some of her closest friends. When Dexie, my heart cat, died, I had a private cremation and have her ashes. I was always glad to have them home again with me - it just felt right.  I have saved them both and will add the ashes of those who go before me. When I die I want to have our ashes intermingled and be scattered together.

However, I think a ceremony and tree planted in Sophie Sue's honor would be a lovely memorial, too. The important thing is do what is meaningful to you.

dottie June 25th, 2009 09:33:08 AM

When it comes to plants, I would suggest you think of a place that the two of you spent time together.  Maybe under a big tree at the local park, or those bushes she *always* had to sniff. You could even put them on a fruit or flower tree and then keep some fruit/blooms in memory of her.

If you don't want to leave her ashes behind somewhere, maybe get some containers and mix some of her ashes into the soil and plant a seed. You could give one to people who had a bond with her and they could think of her as the seedling grows.  You could also add ashes to the plant on her birthday every year. 

When something tragic I always take solace in the beautiful furry friends I still have.

Liz P June 25th, 2009 09:33:45 AM

Many condolences on the loss of Sophie Sue.

I lost five kitties in an apartment fire nearly two years ago and, as such, had nothing of them to keep. When I lost my Casey (a young kitty) a few weeks ago, I opted to have him cremated and to get his ashes. They came in a box with his name on it in a little velvet bag. I know I won't scatter them, as I know I will move probably many more times over the course of my life, and I haven't yet found the perfect container to keep them in, so for right now they are still in the little box in the velvet bag. It does bring me comfort knowing part of him is still with me.

Kelli June 25th, 2009 09:34:56 AM

Dr. K - We went through this in November with the loss of our retriever.  He also suffered from medical problems (for almost ten years) and it's strange, but the special needs critters form an attachment with you that "normal" pets simply do not.  You can't understand unless you've had one... perhaps its the daily gratitude you're forced to deal with every day you have a "good" day.

We had our deaf kitty George cremated in 2004, and then our retriever in 2008.  I posted on my epilepsy board the same question you are dealing with right now.  What to do?

I had every intention of spreading each of them on my friends farm.  We have a yearly get together there with a few dozen people and dogs, and part of our meeting involves a walk to the hilltop where they have buried their past dogs.  We spend a half hour sharing poems and stories, and saying goodbye to everyone we've lost that year - 2 legged and 4 legged.

However, when the time came near I realized that I just wasn't willing to part with them.  The people on my epilepsy group shared similar stories, but the most moving story came from an older gentleman who has had Irish Setters his whole life.  I had not only posed the queston "what to do?" but also "where to put them in the meantime?"  I wondered if it was weird to have a little collection of cremains on the mantle.  He responded to me with a photo.  A mantle with 14 wooden ash boxes, each with an Irish Setter shaped brass plate on the front, engraved with each beloved pet's details.  His intention?  To have them in his coffin with him when he was cremated, and spread with him when he was spread.

I have since decided that not only are we going to follow his lead, but my husband and I have also discussed at length which pet would be with who.

Every once in a while we talk about our decision and wonder if we've made the right one.  But at the end of the day, the question becomes "where would THEY like to be?"  As much as each had their preferred places to be, their favourite place was with me or my husband.  And lets face it, our favourite place is with them.

Incidentally, I have never had cremains come that way... we have always chosen our urn prior to cremation, and the ashes are always delivered sealed in that urn.  Our urn of choice has been a small oak box - for practical reasons.  We have a history of dropping things, and a ceramic urn seemed, well... a potential disaster.

Hugs to you... and this is what my dear, dear friend says to me each time we lose one of our loved ones.

"Do not cry because I am gone.  Smile because I was here."

Kim June 25th, 2009 09:35:27 AM

My sympathies on your loss.  I believe that personal rituals help us honor both our own grief and the deceased.

My mom's 17-year-old longhair chihuahua passed in mid-October 2008.  The cremains were returned to her right before the Days of the Dead (Dios de los Muertos), a Mexican tradition. The celebration is held on November 1st (All Saint's Day) and November 2nd.  Families construct "offrendas" to honor deceased loved ones.  The elaborate altars include marigolds and objects important to the deceased--foods, drink, personal tokens and photos.

Since my mom lives near San Antonio, TX, and I happened to be visiting in order to go to the Mercado to see the big public Day of the Dead altars, so I asked if I could make an "offrenda," or altar to honor Cindy's death.

Using photos, the ceramic urn chosen to hold her cremains, her collar & leash, food bowl, a can of her favorite food, a snippet of her hair, marigolds, fresh flowers (sent by friend), decorative linens, a footstool for a riser and some religious items (cross, statue of the Virgin Mary), I constructed an altar on the fireplace stoop.

The day after the ashes arrived, and after I constructed the altar, we had a family ceremony--I read aloud the cards enclosed with Cindy's cremains and then the four of us in turn recounted our favorite memories of Cindy.  I took formal photographs of the altar, and my mom left it in place for two or three weeks, freshing the flowers to keep it pretty.  I know this brought her some comfort.

My mom scattered a few of Cindy's cremains in the yard and at Christmas, she displayed the ceramic urn and a photo I had taken of Cindy beneath her Christmas tree because Cindy always loved playing with the gift wrap and bows.

The urn rests on  the mantel of my mom's fireplace.

Catherine Bruhn June 25th, 2009 09:42:10 AM

My cremains are all lined up on a book shelf.  I usually search for a special urn and my favorite picture of them.  Only dogs, cats get buried in the yard.  I also plan to do this with my husband should I out live him. 

Betsy June 25th, 2009 09:50:50 AM

Again, my heart goes out to you.

When I had to have my Borzoi Natasha put to sleep we had the moble vet come. He suggested taking some fur off her beautiful tail before the procedure.Something I want to have something made from. Her ashes I spread in her favorite places, one being a field in upstate NY.and in the yard where we lived in Florida. There is a tree growing there now where her and her little poodle friend and kitty are buried together.

My Dad passed away since in Ma.,his beloved Dogs ashes had been waiting, we buried them together.

So, I guess whatever seems right when your ready.We all have the same pain when we lose our pals. I think knowing that the four legged friends will have such short lives makes the relationships that much stronger, we all grieve together. Thank you again for sharing.

CA

Carol Anne June 25th, 2009 09:51:14 AM

This is what I did when faced with the question of what to do with the body of my heart dog, Katie, Miniature Schnauzer.

I had prepared a special garden area in advance, when she was about thirteen, so that it would be grown in and look nice.  But then I couldn't stand thought of her in the ground.  

So she was cremated and I have a special large shelf where her box of ashes, in a green velvet bag, are flanked on one side by a black, for mourning,  Miniature Schanauzer planter that holds silk Lilies of the Valley and on the other, a rather startling statue, a naked, curled-into-herself angel with wings stiffly pointing up.   It strongly suggests the desolation I feel.  Behind the little box, is a double, framed picture of Katie and a poem.  I feel better knowing she is right there and I can "see" her and if I move, I don't have to leave her behind.

I hope you will find a solution that will bring you some peace.

Debra Hawley June 25th, 2009 10:17:12 AM

I have tail hair from my horse that I'm eventually wither going to have braided into a bracelet, or used as decoration in pottery--there is a woman on the web who does her own pots and fires them with horsehair on them, making gorgeous designs.  I'm not sure if I have enough to do both.  He is buried near his friends and under a pear tree

My beloved cat Fizzgig is in an urn on a bookcase that I spent most of her life chasing her OFF of.  So she won there.  My beagle Kira sits next her.  I've always lived in apartments, so I have not done anything with their ashes yet, and I'm not sure yet what I am going to do with them.  I'm getting married and moving in to a house in a few weeks, so perhaps that will inspire me to get them nicer urns than the pretty tin boxes they have now.

drsteggy June 25th, 2009 10:23:30 AM

I know too well how you feel - I just lost my husky 10 days ago and keep expecting to see him.  I did have a new round of tears when I got his remains back, but it is oddly comforting that he is home where he belongs.  As with my first dog, I plan to scatter some of Tundra's ashes in his favorite places in the CO mountains, but will keep part of them with me.  My veterinary office also gave me a clay paw print and a river rock with his name engraved on it - I think I will put the rock in one of his favrite spots in my yard. 

Tundra was a special needs dog too - he was a sled dog rescue and had congenital kidney disease which he successfully fought for 6 years, but cancer was too tough of an enemy.  I too think when they overcome so much and you work so hard to keep them healthy and happy, there is an even deeper bond than usual.  And we take comfort that their strong spirit lives on. 

Thank you again for sharing Sophie Sue and your sadness and giving us all a place to share our own experiences.

Di June 25th, 2009 10:35:06 AM

We thought of scattering our beloved Dusty Dawg's ashes in Harrington Sound, Bermuda, where she loved to swim and stand on the rock next to the dock and catch fish...yes, she caught quite a few.  But we decided against it, the thought of our gorgeous Dobie-Whippet mix as fish food was unbearable!  She sits in a gorgeous box on our bedroom fireplace mantel.

Maria June 25th, 2009 10:51:19 AM

Hi Dr. Khuly,

I think dealing with cremains is one of the most emotional and difficult decisions there is when it comes to a pet's death.  Since I'm a veterinary grief specialist and own a business in this area, I've explored every option out there...we recently found a way to keep cremains that I think you'd really appreciate.  We plan to carry it in the future, but you should check out the source directly as you can customize and choose fabrics, etc.  This item is a very well-made, very soft and tactile pillow that you can place cremains inside.  Find it at www.soft-hearted.com  They're a bit expensive, but I think they're worth it.

Again, I think of you and Sophie Sue quite often.  You both made your way into many reader's hearts and there is a lot of support out there still coming your way.  Grief lingers, ebbs and flows.  It's a tender time...take care.

Laurel June 25th, 2009 11:05:58 AM

When my dad's dog died not long after my dad, we had him cremated and spread his cremains around Daddy's grave, so they'd be together.

We currently have the cremains of 3 of our dogs on the shelf.  I want to be cremated, and wherever my ashes go, I want the dogs that were most mine to go with me.  That way, we'll all still be together in some way. Because no one else is going to want our animals' cremains after we're gone, you know? 

I didn't want to put them in the yard because we might move too.  My favorite cat of all time is buried in the yard of a house where I used to live 30 miles away.  I couldn't do that to my dogs.  :(

Janice in GA June 25th, 2009 11:38:36 AM

We had a poodle named Gidget when I was growing up and she came with us to live in Malaysia from Australia. She didn't cope well with the tropical heat, went blind, and eventually succumbed. My mum had her cremated and her ashes placed in a Milo tin (kind of like Ovaltine for Aussies). This was 1982, there were no urns or adornments at the time in Malaysia.

Last time I checked a couple of years ago my mum still had that Milo tin despite repeated calls from my dad to let go... 25+ years later.

Alex June 25th, 2009 11:48:54 AM

My sincere condolences once again to you and your family. 

My heart cat had to be helped to cross back in October last year. She was entirely too young (8), but had developed cancer and though we tried different things, her quality of life was declining. I still mourn for her daily, and her ashes are in an urn by my bedside, since she slept nuzzled in my hair every night. 

To honor her, I had a tattoo done a few months ago. It's of an angel holding a cat, and in the stars above the angels head, are the colors of her beautiful torbie fur. 

RHz June 25th, 2009 12:15:58 PM

Jerry still travels with us, both spiritually of course, and in a tin box under our bed. I keep thinking once we find that perfect piece of mountain proberty we'll spread him around a big tree, bury a couple of his toys, and plant a buch of wildflowers. But like you, I'm uncertain we'll actually be able to finally let go after so many miles travelled together.

When we helped launch Nature's Why We Love Cats and Dogs at the PBS press tour, Jerry joined us on stage in the form of his favorite toy – a stuffed three legged dog which now wears his collar and goes everywhere we do. After the press conference, a reporter asked if the plush toy contained Jerry's ashes. Odd, I thought at the time. But there's an idea.

tripawds.com June 25th, 2009 12:29:51 PM

Little Target's ashes are in a pretty wooden box sitting on the counter at the moment.  The plan is to scatter them in the backyard around the azaleas.  (Whenever he snuck outside, that's where he went.)  That plan will happen as soon as I figure out how to get the box opened...  There is a beauty of a brown stripey cat in kitty heaven snickering at me over that. :)

Cindy June 25th, 2009 12:35:14 PM

I know how difficult this time is, adjusting to the loss of a special pet. I hope your happier memories of Sophie Sue will soon surface.

I have the ashes of 5 dogs with me now. I've never buried any of them, because I want them to come with me when I leave, which we plan to do in a year or so. I think having a burial of part of the ashes and keeping a small part to take with you might be a good compromise. I like the idea of planting a tree in Sophie's honor.

Our most recent loss was just a year ago, our 15 year old English Cocker, Whitney. It took me several weeks (& a couple of calls from the vet staff) to be able to pick up her ashes.

About 2 months later (last September) we had to evacuate for Hurricane Gustav. I was sad that Whitney wasn't traveling with me, as we were all driving separate cars. I placed the box with her ashes and the little bag with her hair that they'd sent me under the driver's seat of my van when I left. (We always take all the dogs' cremains when we evacuate, usually packed together in a box.)

She's still there now riding around with me every day. I guess this is a bit bizarre, but she always liked to go for a ride! We now have another English Cocker, Macy, who also loves the car and comes along every chance she gets, but I like having Whitney along for the ride.

So my vote is to do whatever comforts you and your family in this difficult time.

Diane June 25th, 2009 01:23:51 PM

My thoughts are with you and your family.  I think the Sophie tree is a beautiful tribute.     We plan on keeping a small amount of their cremains in a piece of cremation jewelry, which we will display in a little shadow box along with our favorite pictures and their collar, or favorite toy, and will spread the rest either in a memorial garden or under a memorial tree.

Jessica June 25th, 2009 01:28:39 PM

I'm very, very sorry to learn of the loss of Sophie Sue.

I faced this same dilemma when we lost Ellie - scatter her, or keep her? In the end, I opted for a compromise. We scattered her ashes on the lake at her favorite dog park, but I kept a little back, just because. They sit in an urn on my bookshelf, next to my favorite photo of her.

Ellie on the Water

The ashes of my last mastiff were scattered at her favorite dog park, and some were kept and placed inside of my favorite china mastiff statue.

FrogDogz June 25th, 2009 01:59:44 PM

Just wanted to say i'm sorry for your loss.  My sympathies.  One of my cats is 16 years old, and I fear his time is limited.

-------------

My Pet Training site

Ms Hunt June 25th, 2009 02:37:17 PM

This is one topic that brings us together, no matter how many issues we disagree on (posts)

A tree or bush is always a nice thing regardless of ashes, it is something to look at & take care of in remembrance. I have one for my Mom, a lovely lilac by my porch. For my pets, I have marked ziplock bags of hair, since my last ritual is to clipper their legs. And I have one of my Mom's silk headscarves that didn't get washed folded in a ziplock.

Ultimately, it is the lasting memories.

Barbara A./NH June 25th, 2009 03:20:36 PM

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my horse about a year and a half ago, and had him cremated.  It's a huge box (over sixty pounds) but actually very pretty.  It sits on a table in my dining room.   Inside is also his tail, braided with ribbons, really lovely, and two of his shoes.  I am not going to scatter him; when I go, I want us to be scattered or shelved or whatever together.  In the meantime, I have a lovely chest that does not look like it's full of sixty pounds of ex-horse.

Erin June 25th, 2009 03:35:27 PM

Please accept my heartfelt condolences Dr. Khuly. Four of our feline family members we're buried in a special place on the family property under beautiful trees. Each time I had to do the heartbreaking work of putting one back to the earth. Don't know why, but on each grave flowers that were not planted sprung up later that week. Even more astounding back in 99 when I had to bury my little tabby girl I finished by placing rocks over the grave till the next day when I could finish up. I went out the next morning and walked back to the grave to finsish and laying right on top of the center rock was a deceased mouse. This is true I am not making this up. I ran to the house and told my wife, you have to come out and see this. Signs and wonders.

So, I like the tree idea. It would be a precious and beautiful tribute to Sophi Sue.

Evet June 25th, 2009 04:59:38 PM

I have the cremains of all my pet angels.  When it is my time, we will all be scattered together.

Carolyn June 25th, 2009 07:05:12 PM

It wasn't necessarily on purpose when it started but we buried our first pets; a dog, a couple gerbils, birds in our raspberry patch.  In a probably morbid way of thinking I liked the idea that they could be part of the growth of something year after year.  We had a tradition of transplanting the raspberries when we would move and it is something that I have continued.  I have had one pet buried in my patch and when/if I move in the future I will transplant again.  I will always feel like I have part of my pets with me and always have a comforting place to put them.

Dr. K - so sorry for you in this difficult time.  Losing a beloved friend is the worst part of having a pet but that is worth going through when you get so much joy out of being with them.  You will always have special memories - remember a pet is never truely gone unless it is forgotten; and we know you won't let that happen.  May time bring you comfort and peace.

J.C. June 25th, 2009 10:47:20 PM

This (on this blog) is the first place I've ever been involved in a sufficiently protracted discussion of this topic to fully think it through in many years.  Having done so, I think the next time one of my pets dies, I'd like to be able to donate their remains for science if that's possible.  However, I'll bet it isn't possible and suddenly that strikes me as odd except I can guess the reason for why animal remains aren't in short supply like human ones are.  Given the discussions we've had on here about the contaminants that might be in an animal corpse or even cremains after protracted medical treatment (or just living in a chemical world), I think I have to come back to letting my vet dispose of the remains and pray they do so in the way least likely to damage the environment although I'm not the least bit certain that's what actually happens.  As often happens, I've ended up with more questions than answers.

PJBoosinger June 26th, 2009 01:28:47 AM

PJBoosinger: As to donating your pet for science. I have an idea: You can allow your veterinarian to use your deceased pet's cadaver for his /her learning purposes--or his/her staff's. For starters, necropsy is a wonderful learning tool for everyone in the hospital. Then there are the procedures we need to get better at: bone marrow sampling and percutaneous kidney biopsies, for example. And you can still get your ashes back, of course...after your pet has aided us in our skills. Consider it.

Dr. Patty Khuly June 26th, 2009 07:43:12 AM

I have a small collection of brass urns on my dresser, along with a photo gallery of all the ferrets I've had.  I also rent, and my ferrets were always anxious outside anyway, so scattering them somewhere seemed unthinkable.  Maybe someday I'll get one larger container and put them all in it, although the urns they are in are sealed in such a way that I think opening them might be somewhat messy and thus traumatic.  I've got instructions that when I go, I also wish to be cremated, and to mix us all up together and dump us somewhere pretty.

I also have the pawprint of my first ferret tattooed on my arm.  She and I had an extremely close bond--she slept curled against my stomach every night--and when she was diagnosed with a terminal illness I painted her paw with water-based paint and had her walk around on a piece of paper so that I would have a real print of hers.  I still have and treasure that piece of paper, and with the tattoo I feel like she is still walking with me wherever I go.

regina June 26th, 2009 11:17:46 AM

Dr. Khuly, your son's idea is a special one.  But, I guess I would suggest thinking on it more before you make a final decision about placing ashes under a tree.  The main reasoning is because even though you don't foresee moving, you can't predict future circumstances, and if you ever moved, you may feel deep regret for your choices made now.  Or, what if the tree doesn't thrive, or it becomes damaged in some unforseen way.

I have several cats' cremains in ceramic urns shaped like cats.  To make them even more special, I handmade necklaces with their names, an "I Love You", tag, and crystal heart pendants attached.  The crystal hearts catch the light and make them sparkle.  Just the act of creating the necklaces was a personal reflection on the joy their lives brought to mine, it sort of helped in the healing process.

One of my favorite sources for pet urns:  http://www.petcremationnevada.com/ , (if anything there interests you, call them for more info, they can explain in great detail any questions you have about their products), they have a large variety of unique urns, you can even encapsulate ashes to be placed in a stuffed animal, as well as various other products.  Other sites even make teddy bears where ashes are placed in a velvet pillow inside.  The choices are virtually endless and you can spend time searching for what is perfect for you.

Whatever you decide, Sophie Sue will always be with you.

lexipup June 26th, 2009 11:32:47 AM

(((hugs))) to you.  Having recently lost our beloved dog of 15 yrs last month from CHF I know the rawness of the feelings.  We did not have her pts.  She passed away fairly suddenly at home.  We decided to bury her near a large tree by the memorial flower garden we have.  We also have 2 horses, 2 cats and a duck (my 10 yr old daughters favorite) buried near there as well.  The garden was initially planted for my husbands mother who passed away a few years ago and has come to symbolize all that has been special in our lives.  We have benches out there where the kids/adults can sit and have quite time with their thoughts and "talk" to their pets and grandma.  10 yr old decided to plant "forget me nots" where we have Ginger Dog buried.  I thought that was really nice :)

Forgive me if this has already been mentioned as I didn't read through all the posts but there are companies that take cremains and make beautiful glass out of them. 

My best thoughts and wishes to you and with whatever you decide to do - or not do - with her remains......

Tricia June 26th, 2009 11:59:25 AM

I forgot to mention it, but I also keep their collars and tags. I wear them on occasion--either around my neck as jewelry (yes, I have a quirky style) or as bracelets. I wore Sophie's on the plane on my weekend away, but decided I couldn't bear the characteristic jingle...and neither could my boyfriend. We decided I'd have to take it of...for now. Too many painful memories associated with that sound at the moment.

Dr. Patty Khuly June 26th, 2009 02:07:32 PM

Thanks Dr. K, I'll definitely talk to vets in the future about that possibility.

On ashes, confession time...  My mother was cremated and there was a period of time between when I picked up the cremains and we flew home to bury them.  A friend warned me that I'd likely end up talking to them and I scoffed but she was right.  During that time, I had my son and grandmother staying with me and they were both complete messes so I didn't want them to know I had the ashes either.  (I let them think they were being shipped but had opted to pick them up and carry them when the mortician warned that they sometimes disappear in shipping.)  So, I end up carrying the cremains around in a shoulder bag and carrying on conversations with Mom for 2 weeks.  I'm the cold, analytical type most of the time and I'm far more comfortable talking to Mom in the abstract (which I do with all my deceased relatives, friends, and pets) than to her ashes.  For some reason, talking to her via the ashes really started to freak me out.

I wouldn't be comfortable with the cremains in my home but I guess they could go into a safe deposit until my next trip "home" to Missouri and then interred in my family plots.

PJBoosinger June 26th, 2009 07:31:59 PM

Good question. Emma's ashes are still in the cardboard box, complete with certificate affixed. Atop the box, a photo, one of hundreds we took of her over the 17 years, and on top of that, a tuft of her feline fur. We bought an urn, a breakthough of sorts, but it remains on a shelf, empty, and far away from the cardboard box; can't even think about breaking the seal of the box. 

I picked up that box almost three years ago. 

The thing is, the day I picked up that box, I wandered down to the adoption area and My Dog was waiting for me. Emma's ashes were cradled in one hand, as Hooper licked the other, through the bars. Emma hated dogs; I now have a dog, the dog I wanted all my life, and I believe Emma led me to him, her final act.

How can I take her from that box?

=============================

Rob Guglielmetti

rpg@rumblestrip.org

www.rumblestrip.org 

Rob Guglielmetti June 27th, 2009 01:14:15 AM

I have three sets of ashes in wooden boxes with a favorite collar, some photos, some miscellaneous "stuff" included in each on my bookshelves in my bedroom. I don't know what else to do with them. I needed them back, but I can't bring myself to scatter or bury, because what if I don't live here forever? What if I move and they're left behind? Mostly they just sit there, simply being. But when I'm feeling especially sad, sometimes I'll get them down and look through the pictures and finger the collars. Last week was the one year anniversary of Harv's death, and while he's gone, he is still and always here.

Katie June 27th, 2009 11:35:24 AM

i can't keep the ashes, which always surprises the vets when i lose my pets. my life has been blessed with many pet friends already, with more surely to come, and i  don't know what i'd do with the ashes. i don't own my own place, so i can't bury them. and i can't imagine coming home to a bookcase filled with urn after urn. i'd cry for sure. sigh. if only they could live happily and healthfully to 100.

sarahMT June 28th, 2009 09:27:51 AM

I can't open the boxes.  My first dog died in 1997.  Her box is upstairs near the bed.  The second dog is on the mantel, and the third ... it's only been two weeks and I haven't been able to go get him yet........................  :-(

I don't know what I am going to do with them.  If I ever can manage to open the boxes.............

Vicki in MIchigan June 30th, 2009 12:13:28 PM

My first "I grew up with her" cat was cremated and I eventually scattered her ashes in a forest. But kitty Winky who died about four years ago and our beloved diabetic dog Chris, who passed on August 1 of last year were cremated and we have kept their ashes.

Winky came in a cedar box and she rests on a bookshelf in the living room. Every time I dust, I stop and give her box a pat and say hello to her.

Chris' loss is much more recent and still excruciating - I second the comment that a special needs dog forms a bond that is very deep. I took our adoptee dog Jack to Chris' favorite park yesterday and sobbed the whole time I was there... Chris' ashes came in a very pretty box so we kept them in it too. His box has, since it arrived, been on my husband's desk with a picture of him and his dog tags. I don't think we will ever scatter Chris' ashes. I like having "him" there where I can stop and talk to him and rest my hand on the box for a moment.

Natalie June 30th, 2009 02:49:06 PM

http://www.echostone.ca/pet.php    I represent this client, its promotion but a very nice solution.

Jonathon June 30th, 2009 10:22:55 PM

I have photo boxes for my two dogs that have passed. I keep their cremains in there along with photos, collars and their favorite toys. There is a cute photo of each dog on the front. 

JGola July 3rd, 2009 04:27:58 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I like your family's ideas for memorializing Sophie Sue, especially the tree planting.

I'm with you on the ashes collection. It is so hard to face. My vet had my dog's ashes for a good six months before I could bear to pick them up. After that, I held onto them for years until I moved overseas. At that time, I let the wind carry them over her favorite oceanside dog park. I kept her collar and tags.

cayugaduck July 6th, 2009 02:13:06 AM

I am so sorry for your family's loss.  I love your son's idea best of all.  And I also think you should keep a little bit of her with you.  Oh, and I agree with Barbara Young, DON'T MOVE!!  We need you right here in Miami taking care of our babies!

Hugs from Jayne, Vic and the kitties!

Jayne Bersok July 6th, 2009 12:09:40 PM

When I am not working, doing family things and partying, I am a bi-vocational ascetic monk... I tried going fulltime, but there were no high paying jobs as an ascetic on monster.com ... naturally I would have some religious insights into this subject. But not seeing any other mention of religion I will apply my vow of silence.

When we were first married I told my bride that it was my preference to be trash-mashed. But now that the technology is nearly available, I told her I wanted my brain kept alive in a jar on the mantle.  

In our culture these days we often get so isolated from death that we even forget it is a part of Disney's "Great Cirle of Life".  And that there is a "Great Big Beautiful Tomorow". 

The naturally shorter lifespan of most pet animals is one of the reasons I got them for the kids.  Death is supposed to remind of us stuff that we'd rather not think about, so we should avail ourselves of the opportunity when we get it.

Feeling deeply for an animal permits you to have those rare moments of awe for the phenomenon we call life.

Bob Jones July 13th, 2009 09:44:26 AM

I've had no internet for weeks, and am now playing catch up. However, my two cents: if I pay money to have an animal cremated, I keep the cremains. I couldn't afford to have my fosters all cremated, and couldn't bring myself to have my pet mice cremated, but the dogs/cats  that were "mine" I cremated and kept. It's kind of weird for some folks, I know, but somehow dusting their urns makes me just think of them when they were here and the joy they brought me. Although it's terribly hard for quite a while. I am so sorry for your loss, Dr. K.

Brooke July 20th, 2009 06:57:52 PM