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No, I’m not about to launch myself back into last week’s snakepit on the issue of pets as property. Though there’s much more to be said on this worthy subject, my post today will confine itself to the use of words when it comes to talking about pets.
Words are a vet’s stock and trade. Sure, a neat row of stitches and a bounding recovery from an illness speak to our skills, too—but talk is golden. Reporting results, entertaining alternatives, allaying fears and expressing condolences (among other language logistics) is a huge part of what we do.
I’m often given to silly-speak when it comes to exam room time, anything from, “How’s my silly girl?” to, “Aren’t you a hairy little thing?” etcetera. You know the drill. It somehow comes out as this second language we use with animals which, ultimately, makes little difference to them. (After all, tone is all.) It’s only when my language devolves into inane cooing sounds that I stop myself in defense of my professional decorum.
Sometimes, however, I’ve been known to let my subconscious leak into my mouth. When referring to my patients’ humans. Nowhere is this more apparent than when I ask “Mom” or “Dad” to hold Fluffy’s wandering tail (there’s something about being slapped in the face repeatedly by an overzealous appendage that renders the use of a stethoscope 100% ineffective).
When I employ these terms (it’s now almost second nature), I sometimes notice an amused gleam in an owner’s eye. Most seem to like it OK, though the occasional gruff grunt from the WWII vet-type is enough to remind me that it’s not always a welcome form of address.
And then there’s the small issue of how to refer to clients that spawns all sorts of confusion. In fact, when I write these posts there’s something about the term “owner” that sticks in my proverbial craw. And “guardian” is so laced with political undertones that it won’t possibly do for this blog (never mind my daily life). “Parent” is the closest I come to, but it also doesn’t fit the bill in a multitude of scenarios—it, too, sounds somewhat “off.”
We’re not really parents (sounds a tad patronizing) and guardians or stewards seems so stiff and formal, right? Maybe you can help me out here. What works for you? Does your vet manage to make you feel like a million bucks with one well-turned phrase that celebrates your human-pet relationship? Please opine.
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My big deal is the use of "it" when referring to a pet. I HATE IT. I use him, her (or him or her) or "who" instead of "that." "It" and "that" are for furniture, not animals.
I imagine there are instances when first person is too awkward (as the 'owner' you should know...)
You are right, owner doesn't quite sit well, caretaker and companion sound odd too- guardian I actually like, steward has religious overtones to me.
I would say go with your gut on which word to choose depending on the client. I think people are usually good at perceiving this type of thing, if they seem old fashioned and traditional- owner may be best so as not confuse the human. If they appear to be the loving cuddle type- parent might just tickle their fancy.
As you can see- I often refer to the 'owner' as 'the human'. That way you are (almost) never wrong.
I have often wished we would have developed in English with second person formal and informal . It's very helpful in Italian to start out formal "you" (Lei) with everyone, and then use the informal (Tu) with friends and family, or when someone becomes friend or family.
(P.S. Your capcha is excessively difficult to read -- could you maybe try a different one?)
That said, I also agree with those who don't like to be called Mom. Both my cats are senior age, capable adults in their own species, and Mom seems to imply they are little kids in need of discipline. It's a little too sugary for me but I don't begrudge those who use it. So lacking anything better, I use guardian since I am "guarding" their health and safety, etc., and make decisions on their behalf. I also like person, as in "This is my cat," to which they would say in return, "and this is my person." Would the WWII vets take issue with person, since you can't really argue against being a human?
I don't like being referred to as an "owner" because I don't think of my cats as chattel any more than I'd think of children as chattel. But like you, I think "pet parent" is just a bit too cutesy.
I'm not offended at being called my pet's 'parent' and I'll even use it myself in certain company, both jokingly with friends and seriously when talking to clients that obviously use thier pet as a child-surrogate. 'Gaurdian' and 'Steward' put my hackles up though, maybe because I've spent enough time in academia to recognize legal implications of the terms.
Normally though, she calls me by my first name, and I use hers - then again, I also generally call my own doctors by their first name if we have any sort of ongoing relationship - and would always call a vet or doctor I don't know well by their title.
LOL
My vet refers to me as a pet "parent" but like you, it's done in silly speak. I refer to my pets as my "other kids" and again, it's also done in silly speak. To date, nobody has taken offense to it or bothered to argue what I am to my pets when I say that. They accept it for what it is and go about their lives.
Why people feel the need to use the word guardian or whatever is beyond me. They are my pets, and I act as their care taker and maid. It's that simple. Why some feel the need to take it to a higher level boggles the mind. I can only gather that such people have nothing else better to do...
And I guess I'm one of those overly doting pet people, cause I consider my self to be my cats' mom. I don't think I use that term when I speak to others, but when I talk to them or think of my role, its as their mom. So sue me, lol!
My vet refers to me and to the hounds by first name. I call him by first name when speaking directly to him and as Dr. Escobar when speaking about him to others.
I loath the term guardian for my relationship with my dogs. It has an undertone of fragility, of a bond that can be broken by an outside force.
Companion is only one aspect of our relationship. I see companions as having more equal responsibilities and privileges, and ours are heavily lopsided. I'm the only one allowed to leave home by myself (although they think that's a bad idea!), I pay the bills, choose the food, veterinarians, trainers, etc., including any future siblings. They support me emotionally, guard my house, car, and person to the best of their abilities.
Guardian has too many legal ramifications. I don't want anyone else telling me how to raise or maintain my animals without my asking, or having the ability to take my animals away if I don't raise/keep them in a certain way. Steward just sounds like someone is looking for politically correct word. It's not used enough in other contexts to be especially useful here. I also think its connotations include an emotional detachment that I don't have with my own animals. I'd be more likely to accept steward in the context of my job as a pet sitter. While I certainly give the pets I watch love and affection, I'm far more detached from them than I am from my own dogs.
But then, this same vet (who I have not gone back to) would ask me, in a completely serious tone, if my dog was "spayded",.. I didn't understand him at first, so he repeated it, the same way.
I like guardian, owner, and mom equally. Doesn't matter as long as it's clear that the person talking is aware that I love my pets dearly, but doesn't assume it makes me stupid.
I'm very interactive with veterinary care. I ask a lot of questions and prefer detailed answers that assume I can handle and want a fair amount of technical information. So the vet is usually talking to me already.
Personally I hate being addressed formally. My first name is my first choice.
And in general I don't mind being referred to as "mom" either. We've been through a lot together, these pets and I, and that kind of nurturing and good medical care that you would give a child is what I aim for with the cats and dog.
I do tend to dislike "owner" for all the reasons listed above.
we always refer to owners as mom or dad, as in "charity, Demon's mom is here, is he ready?". Some people scoff or chuckle a bit, but I think for the most part they expect a bit of layered cutesy in a grooming salon.
in any case, my regulars are very familiar with my "Sissy LaLa" terminology. In reference to their pets, I use nicknames like baby, little man, little girl, monster, crazyman!, sweetheart, and Your Little Psycho. The owners of the monsters and Little Psychos get a kick out of it, as they know it's all in jest and I have unlimited patience with the brattiest of them.