Dolittler: When your pet is gone…what to do with those ashes…

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Refusing euthanasia: A vet’s prerogative? (April 6, 2008)

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The pet urns that they sell these days are quite tasteful and a beautiful way to honor the memory of your pet. Most of the time, they are easily accessible as well. When Thumbs passed, I did not get an urn because I could not afford it at the time (her care was extremely expensive at the end of her life).

I have a savings account with Bank of America specifically for Storm and Tornado's medical expenses throughout their lifetime. Whenever I get a reimbursement from the insurance company for their appointments, I put it right back into their savings account. When they do pass, I will have more than enough money saved up to purchase suitable urns for their ashes. I found this beautiful urn on ebay this morning

http://cgi.ebay.com/BEAUTIFUL-HAND-CARVED-BLACK-CA...

# Posted By Wendy | 1/14/08 9:16 AM

Wendy; That's a nice one. No tackiness there.

# Posted By Dr. Patty Khuly | 1/14/08 9:30 AM

I do have one question though. If I know I'm taking my cat in to be put to sleep, do I take the urn with me? Or, do I wait til the ashes come back and put them in the urn myself?

Or, if I find out at the time that I take the cat to the ER (like what happened with Thumbs), can I come back with the urn and allow them to do it?

Walk me through this one please. The more I know now, the more comforted I will be later :)

# Posted By Wendy | 1/14/08 9:39 AM

It is tough to figure out what to do with the ashes of pets past, err...passed? Anyway, the remains of my, at the time of passing, 17 year old Lhasa Ahpso, 13 year old pot-bellied pig, and 16 year old lab/pointer mix still reside on the mantle in my living room. I was going to spread them in the yard in the case of the Lhasa and the pig, various places all over southern new york/northern pennsylvania in the case of the lab/mix, since he went everywhere with me. When I think about doing so, I realize that I sort of like having them in one central area, close to me as I live my daily life. Some would say that they are just ashes, while others seem a little creeped out by it, but all three were such a huge part of my life that I can't part with them easily, even with two great cats still roaming the house and the arrival last May of what I am coming to realize is exactly the dog I needed in my life to get me through the loss of the other three animals. I didn't want another dog when I found him, but it turns out that I really needed him.

I've thought about going the gemstone route with the ashes and letting Baxter wear it on his collar because of the fact that he single pawdedly filled an unbearable void, and has also benefited from the appreciation, love and respect for animals that Pickle, Sid, and Lucky helped me to realize.

# Posted By Brian Hewitt | 1/14/08 9:39 AM

Wendy: Typically, vets contract with a service that picks up the remains, cremates them individually and returns them to the vet's place where you later pick them up. If your loved one dies at home, you'd take him or her to the vet. The vet takes care of the rest. If you pick an urn the cremation service offers, your pet's ashes come back already in the vessel. If you decide you want your own urn, you can either bring it with you to the vet's office on the day of the euthanasia so the service can do it for you or you can wait for the boxed ashes to come back. They're typically wrapped in a plastic bag inside the box. I find it easy to then use a funnel to transfer the ashes (lumpy-bumpy though they sometimes are) to another container. If this makes you queasy, let the service do it. Alternatively, I'm sure your vet wouldn't decline to have someone in the office do it for you. I hope that helps.

# Posted By Dr. Patty Khuly | 1/14/08 10:02 AM

I have all my pets cremated and plan to be cremated myself. I also plan to have the executor of my will arrange to have all our ashes mixed together and buried in my family's plot. It gives me comfort to think that we'll all be in one spot.

# Posted By Cedarfield | 1/14/08 10:06 AM

Dr. Patty, I simply take the plastic bag out of the cremation service's container and insert that into the urn I purchase. That way, no losing some of the ashes in the transfer process. This is what I use: http://www.ashestoashes.com/Pet-urns-cedar.htm

I've got two of them in my living room now, where Midori and Absynthe liked to hang out. Before this, I buried my pets in the back yard, in a favorite spot--and moved, and had to leave them behind. Never again.

# Posted By Lis | 1/14/08 10:23 AM

It seems that there are some I will never get over, sigh. Mine are currently in my china cabinet but the plan is to get a huge communal urn and dump us all in together. I'm not a big fan of leaving money to humans (I earned mine, let them earn theirs) so unless my brother adopts a special needs child all my money is going to an animal charity. I had always thought they could keep the urn and dust us off every so often but Cedarfield's idea made me think we could eventually be sprinkled somewhere, together. That would be nice.

# Posted By Jules | 1/14/08 10:25 AM

When my cockatiel Peeper passed away I had no clue what to do with her remains at first - I live in an apartment and move every few years, and my parents live in an apartment with no land. I considered donating her body to a teaching vet hospital so the vet students could learn, but in the end I couldn't do that, I wanted her with me. Her ashes are in a wood box on my dresser. Unfortunately Gabe (also a cockatiel) recently passed away as well, reasons currently unknown but I suspect a broken neck, and I'm having an autopsy done and cremation with return of ashes as well. I found a very nice box for her remains, but I am still looking for one for Peeper's remains. Maybe someday I will buy a house and scatter their ashes there, or possibly at my Alma Mater as it meant a lot to me. Until I decide, I'll have them with me.

# Posted By zandperl | 1/14/08 10:46 AM

Oh, and by the way, if you read that "Blue Moon Gem" webpage closely, they do not actually *create* a diamond entirely out of your pet's ashes, they take a natural one and *coat* it with another diamond layer made of your pet's ashes. The description of the process for rubies and sapphires is less clear. Lifegem (http://lifegem.com) is the only company I'd found that creates entire diamonds from pet ashes. I've considered it myself, perhaps with Peeper and Gabe together I'd have enough ashes for it...

# Posted By zandperl | 1/14/08 10:48 AM

I have my cat Simon's ashes on the book shelf in our bedroom. He too died an accidental death. I'm holding the ashes until Barnes, his brother, passes, then they'll be together again.

# Posted By Laura Bennett | 1/14/08 10:55 AM

I have a Rainbow Bridge shelf- it has urns on it- of rescues and loved ones (I guess they are all loved ones) and underneath, I have a poem printed out and framed. Plus, I have their framed pawprints/fur clippings. My hubby recommended I eventually get name tags made for the frames with their names and Rainbow Bridge underneath- then we can drill them and mount them into the frames. I also have one of the fluid black cat urns like the one posted up top- except mine is with his head up, looking out at the world- he has my kitten's collar and tags on him.

We all deal with loss differently- there are so many choices out there.

# Posted By Trish | 1/14/08 10:57 AM

I have two dogs and probably a dozen rats upstairs in little carved wooden boxes. Even with the rats, I needed that closure. These days I own my own home, so I bury the rats in my backyard. But the dogs, I think, will always be cremated and I'll always get the ashes back. It helps me to deal, and it helps me to know that they're still here, in a way. I find the lifegem idea very appealing, but I don't have that kind of money.

# Posted By katie | 1/14/08 12:48 PM

I'm with Cedarfield here - I still have my very special Pushkin's ashes on the mantelpiece. She was euthanased at 20, so was with me for a major part of my life. My will specifies that our ashes get mixed and tossed - not too fussy about where we end up, but I like the thought of being with her forever.

# Posted By jcat | 1/14/08 12:55 PM

My best friend intends to be buried (so do I). She found out that (I think this is Illinois law) that animal remains in urns can't be buried with people. She contacted a funeral home and they told her - if your family asks that you are buried with a very large handbag - we aren't going to look inside. And given the number of animals she's had over the years - its going to be a really, really big handbag - cause she wants the urns to go inside.

# Posted By 2CatMom | 1/14/08 1:12 PM

I have my cat Fizzgig on a bookcase in a tin. Its ironic because I spent most of her 17 years keeping her OFF that bookcase. I also have my beagle in another tin, but I am not sure what to do with them--I want to get them urns at some point, but I have not looked into any.

I don't have ashes from my beloved horse who was euthanized at the ripe old age of 31 several years ago. He is buried at my friend's home, and his grave is marked with a pear tree and she swears his spirit still lurks about the place--he had a wicked sense of humor to him.

I do have a lot of his tail hair, that I've toyed with having made into a bracelet. I also found a potter who makes lovely translucent vases that she decorates with horsehair--it burns into the clay in random and lovely designs, and she will custom make a vase with horse hair that you provide. I'll probably go that route with Trivia's tail hair.

# Posted By DrSteggy | 1/14/08 1:38 PM

I decided only two pets ago to have ashes returned. Before that, I figured the pet I knew had already left the body, so who cared what happened to the body?

Can't say why I changed, but I did. Andy (2002) and Ben (2005) now rest in my office, behind a row of books. Their ashes are in the wooden boxes they came back in.

If I ever decide I've settled somewhere "for good, for ever," I'll have a pet memorial garden.

# Posted By Gina Spadafori | 1/14/08 1:51 PM

Dr. Steggy - "Fizzgig"!!!!!!!!! Best name ever. Man, I loved that movie!

Is it wrong to scatter ashes? My family has always owned a home on the shore of Lake Huron. Kasey loved it up there and loved to walk along the beach. When she died, we scattered her ashes along the beach and to this day, when I think of her I think of the beach. It's very comforting.
When my stepbrother died in a horrible way, he was also cremated. He requested that his ashes be scattered along a certain river where he'd always fly-fished. That's what my step father did, and twice a year, my Mom and Stepfather go for a hike in the woods and sit by that river. My stepfather has a good cry.....but the rest of the year it brings him tremendous comfort to visualize that river.

The only thing is - I don't know if that it legal? I know people do this type of thing all the time, but are there legal ramifications to it? I always hear people say "....when I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered blah blah blah....", but I always wonder if it's legal. Any thoughts?

# Posted By Amy in Somerville | 1/14/08 2:38 PM

Amy: I've never read anywhere that it's illegal to spread ashes anywhere. But who knows? After all, it was illegal to bury urns of pets with their owners in Miami-Dade County until last year. Why? Some sort of protectionism on the part of the funeral industry, I imagine. I mean, it's far less an environmental hazard than an enmbalmed human corpse, right? I'd stuff that handbag way full, 2catmom!

# Posted By Dr. Patty Khuly | 1/14/08 3:24 PM

Here is where Dina the love of my life is "resting".
http://www.mainetoday.com/pets/dogslife/013543.htm...
Never did I once regret the decision not to keep her ashes close. When we visit there at her favorite place on earth, I can almost see her still chasing voles in the field. I just knew the ashes were a disaster waiting to happen in a house with kids and that was well before Meet the Parents came out.
We now own a home and have a new state, the kids are older and I have no idea what I will eventually do with the other two (living) dogs, but thanks for making me sad thinking about it. I have a friend who cremates her ferrets and puts them in tubes and gives them to the other ferrets to play with.
I would love to have my next dogs ashes close, but the thought of them spiltt on my floor is just too much for me. If someone invented a cool looking box that was made of the same stuff they make airplane black boxes out of and was totally kid proof, I would be all in.

# Posted By nancy | 1/14/08 4:27 PM

Dr. Patty: I'm considering going with a more subtle approach....sewing the ashes into the hem of the dress I want to buried in...or put me in a coat and put one pet in each pocket. Are we morbid, or what?

# Posted By 2CatMom | 1/14/08 5:13 PM

I've had my beloved bunny Jack's ashes in an unsealed urn in the living room for the last year. I actually plan to put his ashes in with my potted apple trees when I repot them and though I've had the pots since before he died, I still haven't gotten to out. Partially out of laziness and partially out of grief. By putting him in a potted plant, I have the option to move him with me, although this was so much his yard, that I'm not sure it would be right. A year later, the neighborhood cats still stay away out of fear of him. (At his prime he weighted 25# and stalked cats.)

# Posted By Juli | 1/14/08 5:36 PM

I'm so torn on this issue. One side of me feels that once the pet has passed, what remains is just a mass of tissue, and mass cremation seems the most efficient way to dispose of it (I'd personally prefer to have my body cremated unless one of my loved ones objected). Another side of me is horrified at the prospect of disposing of my pets' remains in such a manner. Even worse is the thought of burying my pet and then having to move. Then again, what on earth would I do with the ashes? I don't know if I could handle seeing my pet's remains on the mantle every day - I'm afraid it would just upset me. Once I had the ashes, I'm afraid I'd feel as if I had to keep them (rather than scattering them), but if not on the mantle, then where? Locked away in a closet somewhere? That seems upsetting, too. And what would happen (God forbid), if I ever accidentally broke the urn? Ugh. Hopefully, I still have several years to come to a decision, and I'm hoping that one of those will just "feel" right.

# Posted By anna | 1/14/08 5:36 PM

I'm already inconsolable at the thought of my little furbaby crossing over, so it's weird that I do so much thinking about it. Her name is Daisy, and my name is Shasta, so I plan to plant some Shasta daisies in her favorite sun-basking spot and mix her ashes in with the dirt. When the time comes, hopefully I'll be able to do that.

# Posted By Shasta | 1/14/08 5:51 PM

Kenya was the first gift my husband gave me while we were dating I really liked- I saved her life by volunteering at the shelter. When we moved in together, we brought her home. She's got bladder cancer, and estimated only a month or two left. We forced ourselves to have this discussion already. Whichever us dies first are getting her ashes tucked into our coffin.

# Posted By Georg | 1/14/08 6:27 PM

I lost my 13 YO cairn terrier Grady in April and had him cremated. The crematorium returned his ashes in a lovely wooden box engraved with his name and dates of birth/death. Right now he lives on my dresser, with his collar and tag on top of the box. I'm planning on having him (and my other pets' ashes) interred with me when my time comes.

# Posted By Laurie | 1/14/08 10:03 PM

I currently have one cats and two dogs in urns my sister made me for each of them. They are special because we put thought into each of them. I got to pick the style and the colors she used on the glaze. We chose based on the animal. (Blue for Shimo because she had blue eyes, etc.) I kept the ashes in their original plastic bag so on the chance one of them break there won't be the spillage to clean up. One cat is still in the tin he came back to me in. (We are still planning his urn) Someday I would love to have a memorial garden but it won't be until after we move to a bigger place.

I also plan on being creamated. I don't care what gets done with me. Whatever makes my family happy is fine with me.

# Posted By Marie | 1/14/08 10:43 PM

We always buried our pets in the back garden. When I left school, I would still go to my mother's (one town over) to bury pets there.

Now I've got my own house, and there are several rats and a kitty out back, under the soil. I believe that technically, we are not supposed to do this, but the vets never objected to giving us the remains.

The only thing about this is that if a pet dies in winter, you can't dig its grave til spring -- it's no fun to stash your beloved rats in the freezer for months, let me tell you.

On the other hand, it is lovely to look out at your pets' graves and see them all covered in flowers. The kitty's grave is particularly stunning in midsummer. You can see her grave, not quite in its full glory, here:

http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez/pics/garden/garden-Pages/Image7.html

all those spiky flowers to the right in the photo surround her gravestone. When they're all in bloom they're shockingly gorgeous and I feel glad she has such a lovely place to have gone into the ground.

# Posted By Laura | 1/14/08 11:48 PM

It's very hard to figure out what to do. I buried my beloved Toonces in a pet cemetary, because to be outside was his life's dream (indoor cat, but not happy about it). It was wicked expensive, over 3K after plot, viewing, and marker (you have to use theirs). Then when my mom's most loved dog died, I felt like he needed to have the same burial my cat had. So, off the the pet cemetery. $$$$

Tomorrow she is euthing her remaining old dog. I can't deal with it. I'm closer to this dog than the last one she euthed. I am so sad about this. But I am also broke and can't bury him in the pet cemetery with the other 2. We haven't figured out what to do yet.

I like having the grave to visit, I garden there. I talk to my cats bones. It's crazy, but it makes me feel better. Also to know that he has decomposed and become a part of everything. But I also get comfort from the urn necklace I wear, that has one of his whiskers and some of his hair in it.

These things are for those left behind, it should be whatever makes us feel better. I get comfort from these things.

But it's never enough comfort . . . because some losses will always be felt, so very keenly.

# Posted By Stefani | 1/14/08 11:58 PM

Anna--- We share a lot of the same questions/worries I think.

Timber passed away a year and a half ago. We had him cremated and his ashes returned to me. At first I wanted to bury him, but we are moving this summer and I didn't want to leave him behind. But I also don't feel right about burying him somewhere he never had any connection to. For now...he sits on a shelf in my closet because I can't take seeing it every day.I still don't know ultimately what I want to do.

# Posted By Amanda | 1/15/08 12:03 AM

Oh, BTW: Beautiful caskets.

Angel Sleeping Pet Caskets

http://angelsleeping.excitemerchant.com/content/00...

I have no business interest in them, I just love their caskets. Got the 24 inch mahogany for the 2 pets we've buried. Very tasteful, not like the pastel platic ones they had at the cemetery.

# Posted By Stefani | 1/15/08 12:04 AM

When we had my much-loved golden, Jesse, euthanized after a long batte with a nasal chondrosarcoma, we had him cremated. I picked up the ashes at the vets and my daughter, then about 10, went along. I was explaining to her that sometimes people liked to scatter the ashes in a place that was a favorite spot for a person or pet during their life. Without missing a beat she said "Well, I guess we better just dump him in the middle of the family room then." We both laughed! It was so true. There was nowhere Jesse was happier than right there with his humans. Nevertheless, rather than messing up my carpet even more (sorry Jesse!) I chose a plain oak box urn and attached this bronze tile to it. The tiles are 4" square and VERY nice. They are about 1/2 way down the page.
http://www.dogsculpture.com/GoldRetPages/GoldRetBr...
The bag with his ashes fit inside easily along with his collar and tags and then the bottem gets attached with 4 little screws so no risk of unintentional dumping. Someday Ill figure out where I want to put them permanently. I still have the same chore with my mom's ashes. As time goes on I expect I may accumulate a few more of these abd eventually I will have to figure out a suitable place, In the meantime they will have to come with me when I move.

# Posted By kate7047 | 1/15/08 1:27 AM

I'll probably have to decide what I want to do with one of my dogs this year. I definitely want to cremate her when she's gone, saving some hair. My guess is that I will get a box from this place, http://rugpalnorth.com/wood.htm. Sooner or later I probably will spread the ashes myself because my family won't know what to do with them after I'm gone. My other dog, I believe, will eventually rejoin me in another body. I don't know if that will change my view of what to do with her remains from her current body.

# Posted By kabbage | 1/15/08 8:40 AM

Well, this is a very interesting thread! Although the subject is sad, how comforting it is to see some any people that truly love their animals and are passionate about their remains!

It's so hard, and emotional, and each person has to cope in their own way. I know that before Kasey's ashes were scattered, we held on to them for 4 years and discussed 'what to do'. In the end, I'm happy with our choice. Although I don't make it 'home' much anymore, I like to know that Kasey's ashes were spread where my heart is, even as I move around the globe.

Intereting topic Dr. Patty!! (And I'm so glad it's not illegal! ;) Makes sense to me, but you never know what freaks people out!).

# Posted By Amy in Somerville | 1/15/08 8:50 AM

For those that want a longterm keepsake from the fur check out this site: www.vipfibers.com

I used to do custom spinning of dogfur for clients but gave it up. (lack of time for my own spinning)

# Posted By Marie | 1/15/08 7:39 PM

I finally disposed of the ashes of a couple of our deceased pets - by spreading them in a lake. One friend of mine had her deceased cat taxodermied - and it sits on her piano. "What would that even cost?" - follow the ruby link to $799! Ouch.

# Posted By Diana | 1/16/08 9:30 AM

When I lost my first dog (the one who was my identity, encouraged me to go to vet school, traveled across the country with me and was at my wedding) I had her cremated and then had no idea what to do with the ashes. Over a year later I committed to burying them and planting a crab apple (she was a bit of a curmudgeon) in that spot- which now commits me to never moving from this house. I did, however, keep just a small bit which is contained in a pendant so that I will always have at least a piece of her with me forever.

# Posted By ralphsmydog | 1/18/08 7:50 PM

HI,... TO ANYONE OUT THERE. WE BURIED OUR COCKER LAST MAY AFTER HE DIED SUDDENLY. HE'S BURIED IN A LARGE PASTIC TOTE CARRIER AND SEALED. DOES ANYONE THINK THAT I CAN DIG HIM UP NOW AND HAVE HIM CREAMATED AND KEEP HIS ASHES? ANY HELP ANYONE CAN GIVE ME WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.....

# Posted By marty | 6/2/08 10:41 PM

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