June 9th 2006

Friday. Day off. I`m spending the day between the dentist and a short road trip to Ft. Lauderdale to celebrate the completion of this blog’s redesign. My designers, the illustrious, industrious, and supremely tolerant individuals at ichameleon group (headed by my dear—and extremely yummy—friend, Mr. Freddie Laker) will receive my famous litterbox cake.

In case you have never heard of a litterbox cake (and few outside of pet professional circles have), a litterbox cake is a disgusting but delicious attempt at black humor. Like sending a dozen dead, yet still beautiful, roses to a loved one on Halloween, a litterbox cake says: I love you and aren’t I clever and creative?

The recipe for Litterbox Cake à la Dr. Khuly:

• 2 recipes brownies (homemade is best but Entenmanns can work, in a pinch)
• 1 recipe chocolate frosting (buy only if you absolutely must as these taste like hell from a can)
• 2 recipes angel food or white cake (unfrosted store bought, if necessary)
• 1 large box Nerds with greens and blues picked out (or one small box of each color)
• 1 bag Tootsie Rolls candies
• 1 brand new (please!) litterbox (best with kitty designs on the side or partial litterbox cover or splashguard so there’s no mistaking the cat-box for what it is)
• 1 brand new litter scooper (to match the box)
• 1/4 cup dark honey

Assembly:

1. cut the brownies into even squares and line the bottom of the box with them

2. melt the frosting slightly in the microwave to achieve a pourable consistency

3. pour the frosting over brownies in an even layer and smooth out well into the corners

4. in a large bowl, crumble the cake to make a fine, littery crumb

5. sprinkle blue and green Nerds evenly over the top (to resemble those air freshening crystals which [dubiously] improve offensive odors)

6. and now for the fun part: sculpt Tootsie rolls into realistic renditions of cat stool (kitty turds, if you will)

7. randomly insert litter scooper to simulate attempted filtering of litter

8. scatter and embed Tootsie Roll sculptures into cakey litter

9. pour honey over litter in a simulated urine pool

10. apply litterbox splashguard or partial cat-box cover for un unmistakable litterbox ambiance

11. present to oohs and aahs and ughs all around—then dig in!

Thank you Freddie, Rob, Jacqui, Bea, and everyone else including my extremely patient logo-genius.